False Advertising

Well after not posting in quite some time I've decided to get back to blogging. Since my last post I've been on way to many disasterous dates. I still believe I'm being punked and Ashton Kutcher will one day jump out of a closet to let me in on this joke I call dating.

I went on a date with, lets call him "Cowboy Dan," to Texas Roadhouse. We met at a singles mingle and I thought, why not let's give this man a shot.. He said he was in Marketing for the TryIt Company Needless to say that thought will NEVER cross my mind again when it comes to a man that doesn't meet my initial ecpectations. When I say this I mean the following, he was shorter than I usually go for and was questioning whether his career choice was compatible with me and the expectations of my job.

Let's start with the date; he was 20 minutes late. I should have gone with my gut and just left since he texted me at the time we were supposed to meet saying he'd be a few minutes late - a few minutes is 5 or so minutes late. NOT 20! Anyway it was a bad way to start off. We sat down and he proceeded to tell me everything he hates....and I mean EVERYTHING!! Broccoli, anything white; blue cheese, ranch dressing, soure cream etc. Great way to continue an already rocky start to a date. He then couldn't decide on what to order - AN HOUR LATER - I forced him to make a decision. UGH

During all of this talk about him, him and more him, the waiter and I engaged in a brief conversation, he telling me how he's going for his masters degree and I in turn tell him I'm doing the same. Cowboy Dan proceeds to ask us if we'd like to go on a date since I wasn't paying attention to him, so I tell him yes. The waiter then asks if this is a first date and with sad, pleading, get me out of here eyes, I say yes. You could tell the waiter felt my pain.

Our meals FINALLY arrive as I ask Cowboy Dan about his job and what his degree is in. He proceeds to tell me he drives the Labatts truck and sets up beer displays in stores and that he has a GED!!!! Right then and there I snap! He originally tells me he's in MARKETING and he drives a beer truck!!?? Two completely different jobs, right!? Not according to Cowboy Dan. He claims he's in marketing because after all he does set up displays to entice the customers to buy his product. REALLY!!?? Is it me or are you wondering what planet he's from as well. He's a big violator of FALSE ADVERTISING as far as I'm concerned.

Now I begin looking at all this as a game - it's on like Donkey Kong now!

He isn't clued in at all that this date has turned disasterous. The waiter comes back and asks how our meals are, after ease dropping on the "marketing" section of our conversation. Now the waiter gets the prize for his next comment to Cowboy Dan. He says, "Dude, you're totally trying to upgrade and get yourself a sugar mama now aren't you?" You would think this would embarrass Cowboy Dan but it doesn't - just shows you how dense the man really is! He tells the waiter, "There's nothing wrong with that." The waiter again sympathetically looks at me. I just shake my head.

Cowboy Dan doesn't stop there, he tells me how beautiful my eyes are and follows it up with the statement "Now is where you tell me how handsome I am." I just stared at him in disbelief and said oh ok, with nothing else to follow. My phone went off with a text message from another guy a friend of me wanted to meet, so I pretended it was work and made a date for the next night. What a bitch move, right?! I felt empowered by doing that, since it's a move I would have never done before.

He still didn't get it. Three hours of agony has gone by and I tell him I need to go. He gets the bill and continues to check it over, look at me, check it over, as though I was going to offer to pay. I got up and said it was nice to see you but I really needed to go. My excuse was one of my friends FINALLY answered my 9-1-1 text call for help. I walked out to my car only to find him chasing after me. I went to get in and he grabbed me for a hug, then tried to plant a big 'ole kiss on me!! Thank God I saw it coming and turned my cheek just in time. I jumped in and took off like a bat out of hell!

I really thought the cowboy would have gotten it that our date was the first and last, but he didn't. He repeatedly called and texted me that night and the next day. I told him that it wasn't going to work out and I wished him luck finding someone. Holy cannoli did that open a can of worms!! I got 10 text messages back from in within seconds of each other telling me - basically - that he did nothing wrong and that I'm wrong for cutting him lose. I said "you need to delete my number now!" I haven't heard from him since.

Lesson learned on this one ladies is - don't settle or give someone a shot that you know doesn't deserve it.

I'm back blogging!!!

Keeping you on your toes!

So I've decided to take a break from dating and instead concentrate on me for a change. Why is it when a woman takes a step such as this men come crawling out of the woodwork! That's the case with me right now. I mean two guys I always had the "what if's" about have now circled back into my life. One moved away from Buffalo 8 years ago back to his hometown in Virginia to be closer to family. We recently reconnected through LinkedIn and have been emailing each other. He now lives and works in Canada. I asked why he moved away from VA after he worked to hard to get back there? He said every move he ever made was to further his career. He said that maybe the case when he leaves this job as well or it maybe more about personal opportunity or desire. He said he's single, no kids, and that life clicks by pretty quickly and he may have moved right past what should have been right for him personally because he was too concerned with getting ahead careerwise. WOW! Now I have always put my career first so I can completely relate to this.

The second guy is one I clicked with last summer. There was some serious chemistry there but we never dated, only became friends who would have lunch, dinner, etc. once in a while. Well he was out at one of our stomping grounds and he texted me that he was there. I told him I think I owed him a drink from the last time we were out. Anyway one thing lead to another and the next thing I know is he's calling me. We talked for hours and in the end I was right - there was chemistry between us. I told him the ball was in his court and that we would take this one day at a time. I also asked him to attend a black tie event with me. He said he would love to go but may have something going at work so he would have to let me know. Now he's in law enfocement so I completely understand if he's called into action on something. I told him to let me know. He did make a lunch date with me this week as well.

I guess only time will tell if either of these "what if's" become an "I know" situation. Everything that each man has told me over the past week has really been keeping me on my toes. Women have a habit of creating the perfect image of what their life would have been with these "what if" men. Fact of the matter is we won't know unless we try. So I'm going to give it a shot. Who knows what will happen.

Cutting My Losses

It has been a little while since I last posted and there is a good reason. Many things have happened. I bought a new car, broke up with "Toby" and spent 3 days 2 nights in my own hospital! Ok I'll start at the beginning. I wanted to get rid of my car because that's the last tie I had with my ex. He talked me into buying it and I really didn't want to drive that reminder around any more. So I traded it in and bought a Chevy Equinox which I love. I felt so liberated as I drove off that car lot with my new SUV! Then it went to shit! You all know I've been having a problem with "Toby" taking this relationship thing too fast. After repeated pleas of telling him to back off, respect boundaries, stop telling me he loves me, AND stop interrupting me when I'm trying to tell him how I feel, I finally decided to cut my losses and cut him loose. It really came to a head when I went into the hospital. I had a golf ball size ovarian cyst burst making me extremely sick. Ladies I had never vomited that much in my entire life! Anyway, Monica took me to the hospital and I told "Toby" not to come. He did anyway. Which aggravated me to no end. Then when the doctor came in to do an internal he wanted to stay!!!! WTF? There was NO WAY that was happening!!! I told him to get out. When I was admitted he came by the next day and stayed to visit way too long. I was on pain meds, IV's and just didn't want too many visitors. Hell I didn't even tell my family I was in the hospital until I had been there for 2 days! I finally kicked him out by shutting off the light and going to bed. He got the hint then! UGH Oh that's not it, it gets better. Once I was released, he happened to be off that day so he offered to come get me. My friend told him to take me straight home and leave me alone to shower as well as nap. Well that's not what happened. He dragged me to a restaurant, saying I needed to at least eat some soup - I told him no I want to just go home. He took me to the restaurant anyway and when it came to pay for my soup and his sandwich/soup combo meal - he walked away and I had to pay!!!!! Yet another WTF!!! I just didn't have it in me to fight after 3 days of pain meds, 8 bags of antibiotics and 6 bags of fluids. I just wanted to get home, shower and get into my own bed. After eating hardly any of my soup we finally left and he still didn't take me home! Oh he needed gas and a few things from the store!!!! I finally got so pissed I said take me the fuck home now!!! He got the message I was aggravates - but yet I don't think clear enough. When we got home I told him to GO HOME he hugged me said - this is what really got my bee hive buzzing, "I hope you feel better soon because I would really like to have sex with you." OMG That was it! I said, "Are you kidding me?! That's what's on your mind right now? After all I've been through the past 3 days you only have sex on your mind! Well that's not going to happen!" He goes, "Well get some sleep we'll talk later." I just slammed the door! How inappropriate of a statement was that!!!??? It unfortunately gets better, he said it again to me on Saturday AND on Sunday after I told him how that statement made me feel like he just wanted me for sex! It didn't matter. Then a few more unfavorable traits of his came out. A bunch of us went to a horse tack shop and for dinner after - he and his daughter went as well. When it came to the bill he leans over the table, wallet in hand and says "Babe how much money do you have on you, I only have $30." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! This guy who supposedly makes buco bucks and wanting me to pay yet again!!! (Let me tell you something his daughter is obese and eats way to much and he's a 6ft 4in husky guy - now my bill was seriously $15 max - for the two of them is was easy $50.) Anyway I told him I only had enough to cover myself. Screw that! Needless to say the next day I ended it and even that wasn't easy because he kept telling me that I was wrong for feeling the way I did!!! Oh and that's he's a great guy who can take care of me!! I told him he did a shitty job taking care of me and explained why! He still didn't get it. So, I sat and thought about everything and realized he totally did a 360 after I told him I would try the relationship thing with him. He went from a nice, courting man to a controlling, cheap pain in the ass! I personally think he liked the thought of being in a relationship rather than being in an actual relationship with me. He wanted a mother figure for his daughter and someone who could pay their own way and his. Well that person wasn't going to be me! With each relationship I've learned if it's not working you give the person only so many chances to make it right and if it doesn't happen you have to cut them loose. Normally I would have hung in there longer but not now - if it goes south and my feelings aren't taken into consideration - the guy is gone. Case closed. I called and talked to the match maker about it. She feels terrible and couldn't believe the 360 he did. Apparently she told him in the beginning to take it slow with me and not rush things, well he didn't listen to her or me for that fact! He hasn't contacted her and I don't think he will because I've heard through the grape vine he's waiting for me to come around to my senses. He's going to be waiting a really long time because I already have and he doesn't like it. I'm going to take a break from dating for a little bit but you never know who I may encounter in the mean time so stay tuned for more madness!!!

Freak Out

Well I have recently had a little freak out in my relationship journey with "Toby." He launched the "L" word the other day and personally I think it's way too soon for that!! We have only been dating since the end of January so we have only known each other for about two months. Needless to say I told him that bothered me and that I wasn't at that point. Once again I explained we needed to take it down a notch! He instead kept saying it at the end of every conversation and text message! UGH What to do? Last night I had to have yet another talk about it and told him that by him saying he loves me all the time is making me want to turn around and run!!! Run very fast away!!! I think that grabbed his attention - Thank God! Because I was seriously considering telling him it was over. Lord only knows where this is going but I don't think we are at the "Love" stage of it at all! He told me he knew from the first time he met me we were ment to be together. That feaked me out too! When do you know if it's Love anyway? I have strong feelings for him but I don't know if it's "Love." I have so much going on in my life as of late with family and work not to mention trying to have a relationship. Having the pressure of the "L" word dropped on me sent me into a feeling of wanting to withdraw from him. I'm happy I can talk to him about this but I am hoping he doesn't just stop for the time being to make me happy to just start up again next week. I know relationships are work so that's why I didn't just run away - I'm giving it a shot. But when is it too soon to say you Love someone?

No Good Can Come Out of Being Second Best

As I reflect on recent events I have determined no one should settle or be second choice for anyone. Here's why I have come to this conclusion. My nephew and his girlfriend were burned after the stove in their appartment exploded. I have been helping take care of their 7 month old daughter while they heal. "Toby" was right here, by my side, helping take care of her, cleaning donated highchairs, walkers and strollers. When the 35 year old and the federal agent I was hanging out with found out about it, all they said was they were sorry to hear about it. Never once did they offer to help with ANYTHING! "Toby" jumped right in, going to the grocery store, watching the baby while I cooked, you name it. That was impressive since we have only been dating for a month and a half.

So, it got me thinking, I am "Toby's" first choice for a girlfriend while I am second choice for the others. Now That's Bull Shit!!! Why in the hell did I allow myself to fall into the second best catagory for awhile? No woman should never settle or be second choice for ANY man. The 35 year old chose to blow me off to tend to another woman, granted she was "stalking" him or so he says. I recently heard he tried to make the relationship work one more time but realized it wouldn't and that's why he started calling and texting again. And as for the 38 year old federal agent, he's still hooked on his ex in Texas but wanted to still see me. That's so wrong on so many levels and the fact that I even entertained the fact that one of these men were worthy enough of my heart bothers me.

What happened along the love journey in my like to let me even think that being second choice would be ok? I talked to one of my BFF's that's a man and he said I was just beat down by all the bastards I had dated in the past, which made me think that's the treatment I deserved. Think about it, my ex had a double life, I was his second choice, his wife and kids were his first (not that I knew about them). Before him my ex fiance chose my maid of honor to cheat on me and then married her. There are other examples but those are the two best fitting for this discussion. Psychologically I was conditioned to think I was second choice. Well I'm here to tell you don't ever fall into that trap because nothing good can ever come out of being second best.

I'm so happy I found "Toby" and only time will tell if he's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with but I now know how a woman should be treated. I will never allow myself to be rated second best again because I'm worth the number one spot in any relationhip, well next to a man's mother, daughter, you know what I mean. So ladies find a man who treats you right, will be there by your side and makes you the number one priority. It's worth waiting for and that's not bull shit!

Finding Oz

As I sit here drinking my coffee on this cold winter morning, I find my self smiling! AND can't seem to stop smiling. Last night "Toby" and I had a long talk, deciding we are going to give this relationship thing a try. Both of us have been so hurt by past relationships in very similar ways, which is such bull shit, but we are going to move forward fresh and new.

It's amazing how when you (a woman) meet a "potential" suitor you imagine how and where they may fit into your life. Let's face it ladies, we all dream about what our lives can be like with that person; where you would travel to, where you would live, how certain scenes of your life would play out like in the movies. We use our brains which triggers our hearts. I came to realize last night that I could see him in my future - all of it - and had already begun making future plans with him. I obviously understand now that I planned on having him in my life all along because I truly enjoy spending time with him.

Something else happened this weekend that triggered all these rationalities. The 35 year old that unexpectedly walked back into my life was texting me while he was in Vegas at a bachelor party. At first I thought "Wow he's thinking of me while with his friends in Vegas - awesome!" NOT. I realized he's a an "of the moment" type of guy - yes I may fanticize about what life would be like with him and quite frankly I just came to the conclusion that I can't see it being good. He's a guy you have a "fling" with because there is that sexual chemistry you just can't ignore. But because of his age and selfishness I know it would never grow into some more meaningful. In my heart I know being in a relationship with "Toby" will grow into something so much more than I ever thought I would find. So, I've kicked the 35 year old to the curb - not that we had anything other than talking and texting going on - but it feels good to shed the bad and look forward to something bright.

Oh and because I'm sure you're wondering, yes there is a definite sexual chemistry going on between me and "Toby" - that was apparent last night! We are not going to rush it but let me tell you I can't wait for it!!! I know your most likely thinking "TMI ANN!!" but I have to just say it all hit me like a ton of bricks last night and I feel so much more content today. In recent months I've felt anxious, confused and quite frankly, down right discouraged with so called "Love." Not today.

I'll keep you posted on our journey down the relationship path. I know it won't always smell like roses but I'm heading down the yellow brick road in hope of finding the wonderful land of Oz.

A Step In The Right Direction

After last night I truly believe happier times are definitely ahead for me. "Toby" has been battling the flu so I decided to take him some soup and Anderson's lemon ice. I also took his daughter some dinner because I knew she was just getting off work. "Toby" was so appreciative I thought of both him and his daughter. He was amazed and told me how the last woman he dated felt she was competing with his daughter. I couldn't believe it since the day before I had his daughter over for dinner and to watch Glee with Monica and me. We all had a great time and his daughter told me how she hasn't seen her father smile like this in a very long time. She also explained she really likes me and hopes it all works out between the two of us. I told her I adore her father and explained to her a few things on how I just need to take it slow. She completely understood. It was nice to spend time getting to know her as well and that made "Toby" so happy.

Well last night I made all of us dinner and after "Toby" and I watched the Sabres game. During the game we had a nice talk while snuggling on the couch. We talked a bit more about ourselves, painting a picture of our past experiences, and how we had both been burned. He completely understands my reasoning. He told me he knows I'm what he's been looking for and is willing to wait for me. That's when he put his hands around my face, stared into my eyes and said, "You're a fantastic person and as long as you are with me I will always, always, always want you to feel that way...because I will always treat you that way." Well that completely did me in - yes we had a serious make out session after that - our first to let you know! Which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do since he was just getting over the flu but hey I got the flu shot!

With my heart bounding I had to call it a night because I needed to do a quick review for the class I teach before turning in. As I drove home I found myself playing "pumping" tunes, smiling while replaying all of the evenings events. With each thought my heart began pounding more and increasingly became more happy! That's when it hit me - what the hell am I waiting for!!?? I got into this dating thing to get into a relationship right? AND here, one heck of a nice guy is staring me right in the face - ready for the taking - and I'm ready to run away. What the hell is wrong with me?! Am I afraid of getting hurt again? Yes - who isn't but I don't think he would do what all the others have in the past. Am I afraid of change? Yes - I got used to living alone, doing what I want when I want but when you think about it - yeah it sounds all nice and independent, but at the end of a really long day a dog isn't exactly what you want to snuggle up to. (Sorry Tucker I love ya but you snore - worse than a man! lol) Snuggling up to a man makes you feel so completely different especially because you can spew the venom from the day and get the hug you need to let it all go. That's something I haven't had in years, if really ever! It was something I could get used to and realized that's exactly what I want to get used to.

Who knew feelings for someone could just "hit you" but I guess that's what happens when you start to get to know a potential "boyfriend." Now I'm not saying that's what he is - we are working toward that though so I'll have to keep you posted on that. But I'm not opposed to him being my boyfriend which is a step in the right direction. I'm still being a bit reserved with my feelings, don't want to fall to fast or too far too soon but I really do think this is going in a good direction.