So I've decided to take a break from dating and instead concentrate on me for a change. Why is it when a woman takes a step such as this men come crawling out of the woodwork! That's the case with me right now. I mean two guys I always had the "what if's" about have now circled back into my life. One moved away from Buffalo 8 years ago back to his hometown in Virginia to be closer to family. We recently reconnected through LinkedIn and have been emailing each other. He now lives and works in Canada. I asked why he moved away from VA after he worked to hard to get back there? He said every move he ever made was to further his career. He said that maybe the case when he leaves this job as well or it maybe more about personal opportunity or desire. He said he's single, no kids, and that life clicks by pretty quickly and he may have moved right past what should have been right for him personally because he was too concerned with getting ahead careerwise. WOW! Now I have always put my career first so I can completely relate to this.
The second guy is one I clicked with last summer. There was some serious chemistry there but we never dated, only became friends who would have lunch, dinner, etc. once in a while. Well he was out at one of our stomping grounds and he texted me that he was there. I told him I think I owed him a drink from the last time we were out. Anyway one thing lead to another and the next thing I know is he's calling me. We talked for hours and in the end I was right - there was chemistry between us. I told him the ball was in his court and that we would take this one day at a time. I also asked him to attend a black tie event with me. He said he would love to go but may have something going at work so he would have to let me know. Now he's in law enfocement so I completely understand if he's called into action on something. I told him to let me know. He did make a lunch date with me this week as well.
I guess only time will tell if either of these "what if's" become an "I know" situation. Everything that each man has told me over the past week has really been keeping me on my toes. Women have a habit of creating the perfect image of what their life would have been with these "what if" men. Fact of the matter is we won't know unless we try. So I'm going to give it a shot. Who knows what will happen.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Cutting My Losses
It has been a little while since I last posted and there is a good reason. Many things have happened. I bought a new car, broke up with "Toby" and spent 3 days 2 nights in my own hospital! Ok I'll start at the beginning. I wanted to get rid of my car because that's the last tie I had with my ex. He talked me into buying it and I really didn't want to drive that reminder around any more. So I traded it in and bought a Chevy Equinox which I love. I felt so liberated as I drove off that car lot with my new SUV! Then it went to shit! You all know I've been having a problem with "Toby" taking this relationship thing too fast. After repeated pleas of telling him to back off, respect boundaries, stop telling me he loves me, AND stop interrupting me when I'm trying to tell him how I feel, I finally decided to cut my losses and cut him loose. It really came to a head when I went into the hospital. I had a golf ball size ovarian cyst burst making me extremely sick. Ladies I had never vomited that much in my entire life! Anyway, Monica took me to the hospital and I told "Toby" not to come. He did anyway. Which aggravated me to no end. Then when the doctor came in to do an internal he wanted to stay!!!! WTF? There was NO WAY that was happening!!! I told him to get out. When I was admitted he came by the next day and stayed to visit way too long. I was on pain meds, IV's and just didn't want too many visitors. Hell I didn't even tell my family I was in the hospital until I had been there for 2 days! I finally kicked him out by shutting off the light and going to bed. He got the hint then! UGH Oh that's not it, it gets better. Once I was released, he happened to be off that day so he offered to come get me. My friend told him to take me straight home and leave me alone to shower as well as nap. Well that's not what happened. He dragged me to a restaurant, saying I needed to at least eat some soup - I told him no I want to just go home. He took me to the restaurant anyway and when it came to pay for my soup and his sandwich/soup combo meal - he walked away and I had to pay!!!!! Yet another WTF!!! I just didn't have it in me to fight after 3 days of pain meds, 8 bags of antibiotics and 6 bags of fluids. I just wanted to get home, shower and get into my own bed. After eating hardly any of my soup we finally left and he still didn't take me home! Oh he needed gas and a few things from the store!!!! I finally got so pissed I said take me the fuck home now!!! He got the message I was aggravates - but yet I don't think clear enough. When we got home I told him to GO HOME he hugged me said - this is what really got my bee hive buzzing, "I hope you feel better soon because I would really like to have sex with you." OMG That was it! I said, "Are you kidding me?! That's what's on your mind right now? After all I've been through the past 3 days you only have sex on your mind! Well that's not going to happen!" He goes, "Well get some sleep we'll talk later." I just slammed the door! How inappropriate of a statement was that!!!??? It unfortunately gets better, he said it again to me on Saturday AND on Sunday after I told him how that statement made me feel like he just wanted me for sex! It didn't matter. Then a few more unfavorable traits of his came out. A bunch of us went to a horse tack shop and for dinner after - he and his daughter went as well. When it came to the bill he leans over the table, wallet in hand and says "Babe how much money do you have on you, I only have $30." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! This guy who supposedly makes buco bucks and wanting me to pay yet again!!! (Let me tell you something his daughter is obese and eats way to much and he's a 6ft 4in husky guy - now my bill was seriously $15 max - for the two of them is was easy $50.) Anyway I told him I only had enough to cover myself. Screw that! Needless to say the next day I ended it and even that wasn't easy because he kept telling me that I was wrong for feeling the way I did!!! Oh and that's he's a great guy who can take care of me!! I told him he did a shitty job taking care of me and explained why! He still didn't get it. So, I sat and thought about everything and realized he totally did a 360 after I told him I would try the relationship thing with him. He went from a nice, courting man to a controlling, cheap pain in the ass! I personally think he liked the thought of being in a relationship rather than being in an actual relationship with me. He wanted a mother figure for his daughter and someone who could pay their own way and his. Well that person wasn't going to be me! With each relationship I've learned if it's not working you give the person only so many chances to make it right and if it doesn't happen you have to cut them loose. Normally I would have hung in there longer but not now - if it goes south and my feelings aren't taken into consideration - the guy is gone. Case closed. I called and talked to the match maker about it. She feels terrible and couldn't believe the 360 he did. Apparently she told him in the beginning to take it slow with me and not rush things, well he didn't listen to her or me for that fact! He hasn't contacted her and I don't think he will because I've heard through the grape vine he's waiting for me to come around to my senses. He's going to be waiting a really long time because I already have and he doesn't like it. I'm going to take a break from dating for a little bit but you never know who I may encounter in the mean time so stay tuned for more madness!!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Freak Out
Well I have recently had a little freak out in my relationship journey with "Toby." He launched the "L" word the other day and personally I think it's way too soon for that!! We have only been dating since the end of January so we have only known each other for about two months. Needless to say I told him that bothered me and that I wasn't at that point. Once again I explained we needed to take it down a notch! He instead kept saying it at the end of every conversation and text message! UGH What to do? Last night I had to have yet another talk about it and told him that by him saying he loves me all the time is making me want to turn around and run!!! Run very fast away!!! I think that grabbed his attention - Thank God! Because I was seriously considering telling him it was over. Lord only knows where this is going but I don't think we are at the "Love" stage of it at all! He told me he knew from the first time he met me we were ment to be together. That feaked me out too! When do you know if it's Love anyway? I have strong feelings for him but I don't know if it's "Love." I have so much going on in my life as of late with family and work not to mention trying to have a relationship. Having the pressure of the "L" word dropped on me sent me into a feeling of wanting to withdraw from him. I'm happy I can talk to him about this but I am hoping he doesn't just stop for the time being to make me happy to just start up again next week. I know relationships are work so that's why I didn't just run away - I'm giving it a shot. But when is it too soon to say you Love someone?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
No Good Can Come Out of Being Second Best
As I reflect on recent events I have determined no one should settle or be second choice for anyone. Here's why I have come to this conclusion. My nephew and his girlfriend were burned after the stove in their appartment exploded. I have been helping take care of their 7 month old daughter while they heal. "Toby" was right here, by my side, helping take care of her, cleaning donated highchairs, walkers and strollers. When the 35 year old and the federal agent I was hanging out with found out about it, all they said was they were sorry to hear about it. Never once did they offer to help with ANYTHING! "Toby" jumped right in, going to the grocery store, watching the baby while I cooked, you name it. That was impressive since we have only been dating for a month and a half.
So, it got me thinking, I am "Toby's" first choice for a girlfriend while I am second choice for the others. Now That's Bull Shit!!! Why in the hell did I allow myself to fall into the second best catagory for awhile? No woman should never settle or be second choice for ANY man. The 35 year old chose to blow me off to tend to another woman, granted she was "stalking" him or so he says. I recently heard he tried to make the relationship work one more time but realized it wouldn't and that's why he started calling and texting again. And as for the 38 year old federal agent, he's still hooked on his ex in Texas but wanted to still see me. That's so wrong on so many levels and the fact that I even entertained the fact that one of these men were worthy enough of my heart bothers me.
What happened along the love journey in my like to let me even think that being second choice would be ok? I talked to one of my BFF's that's a man and he said I was just beat down by all the bastards I had dated in the past, which made me think that's the treatment I deserved. Think about it, my ex had a double life, I was his second choice, his wife and kids were his first (not that I knew about them). Before him my ex fiance chose my maid of honor to cheat on me and then married her. There are other examples but those are the two best fitting for this discussion. Psychologically I was conditioned to think I was second choice. Well I'm here to tell you don't ever fall into that trap because nothing good can ever come out of being second best.
I'm so happy I found "Toby" and only time will tell if he's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with but I now know how a woman should be treated. I will never allow myself to be rated second best again because I'm worth the number one spot in any relationhip, well next to a man's mother, daughter, you know what I mean. So ladies find a man who treats you right, will be there by your side and makes you the number one priority. It's worth waiting for and that's not bull shit!
So, it got me thinking, I am "Toby's" first choice for a girlfriend while I am second choice for the others. Now That's Bull Shit!!! Why in the hell did I allow myself to fall into the second best catagory for awhile? No woman should never settle or be second choice for ANY man. The 35 year old chose to blow me off to tend to another woman, granted she was "stalking" him or so he says. I recently heard he tried to make the relationship work one more time but realized it wouldn't and that's why he started calling and texting again. And as for the 38 year old federal agent, he's still hooked on his ex in Texas but wanted to still see me. That's so wrong on so many levels and the fact that I even entertained the fact that one of these men were worthy enough of my heart bothers me.
What happened along the love journey in my like to let me even think that being second choice would be ok? I talked to one of my BFF's that's a man and he said I was just beat down by all the bastards I had dated in the past, which made me think that's the treatment I deserved. Think about it, my ex had a double life, I was his second choice, his wife and kids were his first (not that I knew about them). Before him my ex fiance chose my maid of honor to cheat on me and then married her. There are other examples but those are the two best fitting for this discussion. Psychologically I was conditioned to think I was second choice. Well I'm here to tell you don't ever fall into that trap because nothing good can ever come out of being second best.
I'm so happy I found "Toby" and only time will tell if he's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with but I now know how a woman should be treated. I will never allow myself to be rated second best again because I'm worth the number one spot in any relationhip, well next to a man's mother, daughter, you know what I mean. So ladies find a man who treats you right, will be there by your side and makes you the number one priority. It's worth waiting for and that's not bull shit!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Finding Oz
As I sit here drinking my coffee on this cold winter morning, I find my self smiling! AND can't seem to stop smiling. Last night "Toby" and I had a long talk, deciding we are going to give this relationship thing a try. Both of us have been so hurt by past relationships in very similar ways, which is such bull shit, but we are going to move forward fresh and new.
It's amazing how when you (a woman) meet a "potential" suitor you imagine how and where they may fit into your life. Let's face it ladies, we all dream about what our lives can be like with that person; where you would travel to, where you would live, how certain scenes of your life would play out like in the movies. We use our brains which triggers our hearts. I came to realize last night that I could see him in my future - all of it - and had already begun making future plans with him. I obviously understand now that I planned on having him in my life all along because I truly enjoy spending time with him.
Something else happened this weekend that triggered all these rationalities. The 35 year old that unexpectedly walked back into my life was texting me while he was in Vegas at a bachelor party. At first I thought "Wow he's thinking of me while with his friends in Vegas - awesome!" NOT. I realized he's a an "of the moment" type of guy - yes I may fanticize about what life would be like with him and quite frankly I just came to the conclusion that I can't see it being good. He's a guy you have a "fling" with because there is that sexual chemistry you just can't ignore. But because of his age and selfishness I know it would never grow into some more meaningful. In my heart I know being in a relationship with "Toby" will grow into something so much more than I ever thought I would find. So, I've kicked the 35 year old to the curb - not that we had anything other than talking and texting going on - but it feels good to shed the bad and look forward to something bright.
Oh and because I'm sure you're wondering, yes there is a definite sexual chemistry going on between me and "Toby" - that was apparent last night! We are not going to rush it but let me tell you I can't wait for it!!! I know your most likely thinking "TMI ANN!!" but I have to just say it all hit me like a ton of bricks last night and I feel so much more content today. In recent months I've felt anxious, confused and quite frankly, down right discouraged with so called "Love." Not today.
I'll keep you posted on our journey down the relationship path. I know it won't always smell like roses but I'm heading down the yellow brick road in hope of finding the wonderful land of Oz.
It's amazing how when you (a woman) meet a "potential" suitor you imagine how and where they may fit into your life. Let's face it ladies, we all dream about what our lives can be like with that person; where you would travel to, where you would live, how certain scenes of your life would play out like in the movies. We use our brains which triggers our hearts. I came to realize last night that I could see him in my future - all of it - and had already begun making future plans with him. I obviously understand now that I planned on having him in my life all along because I truly enjoy spending time with him.
Something else happened this weekend that triggered all these rationalities. The 35 year old that unexpectedly walked back into my life was texting me while he was in Vegas at a bachelor party. At first I thought "Wow he's thinking of me while with his friends in Vegas - awesome!" NOT. I realized he's a an "of the moment" type of guy - yes I may fanticize about what life would be like with him and quite frankly I just came to the conclusion that I can't see it being good. He's a guy you have a "fling" with because there is that sexual chemistry you just can't ignore. But because of his age and selfishness I know it would never grow into some more meaningful. In my heart I know being in a relationship with "Toby" will grow into something so much more than I ever thought I would find. So, I've kicked the 35 year old to the curb - not that we had anything other than talking and texting going on - but it feels good to shed the bad and look forward to something bright.
Oh and because I'm sure you're wondering, yes there is a definite sexual chemistry going on between me and "Toby" - that was apparent last night! We are not going to rush it but let me tell you I can't wait for it!!! I know your most likely thinking "TMI ANN!!" but I have to just say it all hit me like a ton of bricks last night and I feel so much more content today. In recent months I've felt anxious, confused and quite frankly, down right discouraged with so called "Love." Not today.
I'll keep you posted on our journey down the relationship path. I know it won't always smell like roses but I'm heading down the yellow brick road in hope of finding the wonderful land of Oz.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
A Step In The Right Direction
After last night I truly believe happier times are definitely ahead for me. "Toby" has been battling the flu so I decided to take him some soup and Anderson's lemon ice. I also took his daughter some dinner because I knew she was just getting off work. "Toby" was so appreciative I thought of both him and his daughter. He was amazed and told me how the last woman he dated felt she was competing with his daughter. I couldn't believe it since the day before I had his daughter over for dinner and to watch Glee with Monica and me. We all had a great time and his daughter told me how she hasn't seen her father smile like this in a very long time. She also explained she really likes me and hopes it all works out between the two of us. I told her I adore her father and explained to her a few things on how I just need to take it slow. She completely understood. It was nice to spend time getting to know her as well and that made "Toby" so happy.
Well last night I made all of us dinner and after "Toby" and I watched the Sabres game. During the game we had a nice talk while snuggling on the couch. We talked a bit more about ourselves, painting a picture of our past experiences, and how we had both been burned. He completely understands my reasoning. He told me he knows I'm what he's been looking for and is willing to wait for me. That's when he put his hands around my face, stared into my eyes and said, "You're a fantastic person and as long as you are with me I will always, always, always want you to feel that way...because I will always treat you that way." Well that completely did me in - yes we had a serious make out session after that - our first to let you know! Which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do since he was just getting over the flu but hey I got the flu shot!
With my heart bounding I had to call it a night because I needed to do a quick review for the class I teach before turning in. As I drove home I found myself playing "pumping" tunes, smiling while replaying all of the evenings events. With each thought my heart began pounding more and increasingly became more happy! That's when it hit me - what the hell am I waiting for!!?? I got into this dating thing to get into a relationship right? AND here, one heck of a nice guy is staring me right in the face - ready for the taking - and I'm ready to run away. What the hell is wrong with me?! Am I afraid of getting hurt again? Yes - who isn't but I don't think he would do what all the others have in the past. Am I afraid of change? Yes - I got used to living alone, doing what I want when I want but when you think about it - yeah it sounds all nice and independent, but at the end of a really long day a dog isn't exactly what you want to snuggle up to. (Sorry Tucker I love ya but you snore - worse than a man! lol) Snuggling up to a man makes you feel so completely different especially because you can spew the venom from the day and get the hug you need to let it all go. That's something I haven't had in years, if really ever! It was something I could get used to and realized that's exactly what I want to get used to.
Who knew feelings for someone could just "hit you" but I guess that's what happens when you start to get to know a potential "boyfriend." Now I'm not saying that's what he is - we are working toward that though so I'll have to keep you posted on that. But I'm not opposed to him being my boyfriend which is a step in the right direction. I'm still being a bit reserved with my feelings, don't want to fall to fast or too far too soon but I really do think this is going in a good direction.
Well last night I made all of us dinner and after "Toby" and I watched the Sabres game. During the game we had a nice talk while snuggling on the couch. We talked a bit more about ourselves, painting a picture of our past experiences, and how we had both been burned. He completely understands my reasoning. He told me he knows I'm what he's been looking for and is willing to wait for me. That's when he put his hands around my face, stared into my eyes and said, "You're a fantastic person and as long as you are with me I will always, always, always want you to feel that way...because I will always treat you that way." Well that completely did me in - yes we had a serious make out session after that - our first to let you know! Which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do since he was just getting over the flu but hey I got the flu shot!
With my heart bounding I had to call it a night because I needed to do a quick review for the class I teach before turning in. As I drove home I found myself playing "pumping" tunes, smiling while replaying all of the evenings events. With each thought my heart began pounding more and increasingly became more happy! That's when it hit me - what the hell am I waiting for!!?? I got into this dating thing to get into a relationship right? AND here, one heck of a nice guy is staring me right in the face - ready for the taking - and I'm ready to run away. What the hell is wrong with me?! Am I afraid of getting hurt again? Yes - who isn't but I don't think he would do what all the others have in the past. Am I afraid of change? Yes - I got used to living alone, doing what I want when I want but when you think about it - yeah it sounds all nice and independent, but at the end of a really long day a dog isn't exactly what you want to snuggle up to. (Sorry Tucker I love ya but you snore - worse than a man! lol) Snuggling up to a man makes you feel so completely different especially because you can spew the venom from the day and get the hug you need to let it all go. That's something I haven't had in years, if really ever! It was something I could get used to and realized that's exactly what I want to get used to.
Who knew feelings for someone could just "hit you" but I guess that's what happens when you start to get to know a potential "boyfriend." Now I'm not saying that's what he is - we are working toward that though so I'll have to keep you posted on that. But I'm not opposed to him being my boyfriend which is a step in the right direction. I'm still being a bit reserved with my feelings, don't want to fall to fast or too far too soon but I really do think this is going in a good direction.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The "Love Gene"
This weekend I hosted a baby shower for my niece who is also my Godchild. I thought I would take this opportunity to talk to my fellow women about relationships, marraige and having a baby. Since I don't exactly know where I stand on any of it these days. We dubbed this weekend "EstroFest" and it was full of women type fun.
My niece who is prego with her first child talked to me about the pros and cons of having a baby at my age. She's a special education teacher and told me being pregnant isn't what it's all cracked up to be. That made me laugh. Anyway we talked about the risks of giving birth in your 40's for both mom and baby, as well as the change in lifestyle, especially if I were to do this alone. Not to mention the financial means to take care of a child the way they need to be taken care of. It's a lot to take on by yourself . I know a lot of women do it but they usually have a good support system. Who would I be able to lean on if I needed a babysitter? Yes I know all my fellow TT Riders would pitch in, not to mention Monica but both my brother and sister had the luxury of having my parents around to pitch in when needed. Let's face it, my job is demanding and I have to work some late nights. It's hard enough finding "daycare" or a "babysitter" for my dog! I've decided not to have a baby by myself at this time. I'm not saying I'm not going to have a baby at all but I'm going to put the artificial insemination plan on hold.
So that got us talking about my relationship delemas. I asked my niece how she knew her husband was the one? And again I got "I just knew." Well that just frustrated me and she knew it. She explained when she met him she was an out of work actress, with bleach blonde hair, who smoked and was a size zero! AND THAT WASN'T HER! Which I have to agree - that so wasn't her! Anyway, she explained when she is with him she's herself and a person she likes being. That hit home because I know I changed while being with my ex and I wasn't myself or a person I liked being. I was not fun anymore. I feel as though in the past year I have really gotten "me" back and I really like it.
Now that I'm back to me I need to make sure I'm with a guy that doesn't change it. We got talking about "Toby" and the 36 year old that recently walked back into my life. It feels so comfortable and natural with "Toby." We laugh, always enjoy each others company, like listening to music and being outdoors. He treats me so sweetly and I truly respect him. So why does getting into a relationship with him scare me? I told my sister and niece I think I'm missing the "love gene!"
I had a "Coming to Jesus" the other night while out with my two cousins who are both in their 60's, male and have never been married. There we were, eating roast beef sandwiches, drinking beer and talking about our jobs. WTF!!! It was right then and there that I realized I was the FEMALE version of THEM!!! YIKES!! Needless to say it was a wake up call. I sure as hell don't want to end up being like them and I'm only 20+ years away from being just like them!!! It gave me a cold, hard, slap in the face when I realized maybe I don't have the love gene like they don't. I decided to ask them why they never got married? They both said they never felt they found "the one." It made me seriously wonder if they were missing a gene that made them realize who that special someone is! The only thing I have going for me is I didn't live with my mother and father all my life! The one did and the other ended up living with and taking care of his mother until she died. Holy Cow I vow right here and now I WILL NOT END UP BEING LIKE THEM! ALONE!!! Well this made my sister and niece laugh. They said I wasn't like them. It made me feel a little better but not enough.
The talks continued about babies and relationships well into the night. If I were to have a baby I would want to be in a relationship that's a definate. Now how about a relationship. One niece doesn't think any of the guys I'm dating are the one for me. The other asked well what do you like about each? My answers were not good enough for her and she said keep looking but out of all of them "Toby" sounds the best. She said give him a chance and get to know him because he could be the one but I could be so blinded by what has happened to me it might take a bit to see it. My friend said I "sing" when I talk about "Toby" and she hasn't heard me like this. I guess only time will tell.
So as I'm typing this, the phone rings and it's a blocked number. I think nothing of it and I answer it because I'm waiting for my next "match" to call. I normally don't answer blocked calls but since the quest continues I picked it up and my ex was on the other line! Just what I needed today. I really felt as though I was being punked. He pretended he called a different number so I tried to just say you have the wrong number but he goes "Ann?! Oh I'm so sorry I was trying to call someone else." Yeah sure you were asshole. Anyway I told him I had to go and he said "I miss you as a friend, can't we just get together for lunch and talk." I simply said "no" and hung up because my niece was calling on the other line. Now I think I just realized why I'm so blind to finding love, it's not because I lack the "love gene" or I haven't found it yet. I just think that, I'm blind because I've been beat down by those I thought loved me. But I'm taking off these blinders and not going to let the past blind me to love any more. Look out because I'm seeing more clearly than ever and that's not bull shit!
My niece who is prego with her first child talked to me about the pros and cons of having a baby at my age. She's a special education teacher and told me being pregnant isn't what it's all cracked up to be. That made me laugh. Anyway we talked about the risks of giving birth in your 40's for both mom and baby, as well as the change in lifestyle, especially if I were to do this alone. Not to mention the financial means to take care of a child the way they need to be taken care of. It's a lot to take on by yourself . I know a lot of women do it but they usually have a good support system. Who would I be able to lean on if I needed a babysitter? Yes I know all my fellow TT Riders would pitch in, not to mention Monica but both my brother and sister had the luxury of having my parents around to pitch in when needed. Let's face it, my job is demanding and I have to work some late nights. It's hard enough finding "daycare" or a "babysitter" for my dog! I've decided not to have a baby by myself at this time. I'm not saying I'm not going to have a baby at all but I'm going to put the artificial insemination plan on hold.
So that got us talking about my relationship delemas. I asked my niece how she knew her husband was the one? And again I got "I just knew." Well that just frustrated me and she knew it. She explained when she met him she was an out of work actress, with bleach blonde hair, who smoked and was a size zero! AND THAT WASN'T HER! Which I have to agree - that so wasn't her! Anyway, she explained when she is with him she's herself and a person she likes being. That hit home because I know I changed while being with my ex and I wasn't myself or a person I liked being. I was not fun anymore. I feel as though in the past year I have really gotten "me" back and I really like it.
Now that I'm back to me I need to make sure I'm with a guy that doesn't change it. We got talking about "Toby" and the 36 year old that recently walked back into my life. It feels so comfortable and natural with "Toby." We laugh, always enjoy each others company, like listening to music and being outdoors. He treats me so sweetly and I truly respect him. So why does getting into a relationship with him scare me? I told my sister and niece I think I'm missing the "love gene!"
I had a "Coming to Jesus" the other night while out with my two cousins who are both in their 60's, male and have never been married. There we were, eating roast beef sandwiches, drinking beer and talking about our jobs. WTF!!! It was right then and there that I realized I was the FEMALE version of THEM!!! YIKES!! Needless to say it was a wake up call. I sure as hell don't want to end up being like them and I'm only 20+ years away from being just like them!!! It gave me a cold, hard, slap in the face when I realized maybe I don't have the love gene like they don't. I decided to ask them why they never got married? They both said they never felt they found "the one." It made me seriously wonder if they were missing a gene that made them realize who that special someone is! The only thing I have going for me is I didn't live with my mother and father all my life! The one did and the other ended up living with and taking care of his mother until she died. Holy Cow I vow right here and now I WILL NOT END UP BEING LIKE THEM! ALONE!!! Well this made my sister and niece laugh. They said I wasn't like them. It made me feel a little better but not enough.
The talks continued about babies and relationships well into the night. If I were to have a baby I would want to be in a relationship that's a definate. Now how about a relationship. One niece doesn't think any of the guys I'm dating are the one for me. The other asked well what do you like about each? My answers were not good enough for her and she said keep looking but out of all of them "Toby" sounds the best. She said give him a chance and get to know him because he could be the one but I could be so blinded by what has happened to me it might take a bit to see it. My friend said I "sing" when I talk about "Toby" and she hasn't heard me like this. I guess only time will tell.
So as I'm typing this, the phone rings and it's a blocked number. I think nothing of it and I answer it because I'm waiting for my next "match" to call. I normally don't answer blocked calls but since the quest continues I picked it up and my ex was on the other line! Just what I needed today. I really felt as though I was being punked. He pretended he called a different number so I tried to just say you have the wrong number but he goes "Ann?! Oh I'm so sorry I was trying to call someone else." Yeah sure you were asshole. Anyway I told him I had to go and he said "I miss you as a friend, can't we just get together for lunch and talk." I simply said "no" and hung up because my niece was calling on the other line. Now I think I just realized why I'm so blind to finding love, it's not because I lack the "love gene" or I haven't found it yet. I just think that, I'm blind because I've been beat down by those I thought loved me. But I'm taking off these blinders and not going to let the past blind me to love any more. Look out because I'm seeing more clearly than ever and that's not bull shit!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Building Boundaries
Lots has happened since the Super Bowl party! Where to begin? The beginning right! Well, I had to have a talk with "Toby" about boundaries. My friend told me she went through the same thing when she met her husband because they are similar. She explained you need to build some boundaries you BOTH abide by. Since I'm a very independent woman I somethines need my space, hell who doesn't! He asked me not to see other people and I told him we need to take this slow. I also said I think it's a good idea to see other people, that way we can determine if we should be in a "relationship." We talked and built our boundaries. See ladies, my problem is I jump in with both feet running and end up "taking care" of the guy when in reality I need a guy that can step up and take care of ME when need be. I'm not saying all the time but a 50-50 relationship is what I am seeking. By dating other people we'll know if we want to be in a "relationship" with each other. Think about it, I go out with a guy and YOU know, now that I see how "Toby" treats me I'm going to "compare" this guy to him! It could really work out to "Toby's" advantage since I seem to be a mega magnet for moronic men!!
Once I explained the method to my madness to him, he agreed to take things slow, and see other people. Well we really haven't because we haven't had too much time since work has been so busy for me lately - I just need this month to end!
This past Sunday Monica and I took "Toby" and his niece to the barn. "Toby" treated us all to breakfast and we all had a fabulous time playing with the "ponies" at the barn. His niece is hooked and wants to come out to the barn with Monica and me every weekend! "Toby" was amazed at how I taught his niece the basics of riding, being patient with every question the 8 year old had for me about riding and horses in general. She's an awesome kid so it was easy to apease her. After spending 5 hours together I needed to go because I had to attend a retirement party for a dear friend. I really didn't want to but needed to stay the couse and not spend too much time with him. He called me later that night to thank me for all I had done for his niece because she couldn't stop talking about riding my horse and Monica's horse! It was a dream come true for her. I will tell you I will take that kid out to the barn whenever she wants! She's an awesome kid and is eager to learn.
Anyway, the Thursday before Valentine's Day "Toby" called me and asked if I would be his Valentine by going to dinner with him. I graciously accepted. When V-Day arrived he sent me a dozen red roses with a teddy bear to my work with a sweet, simple card that said, "I hope this is the start to something special." Well it made my heart skip a beat. No guy has ever sent me flowers to my work before! He had the whole hospital buzzing! I'm not going to lie, the attention was nice for a change, since all the attention I've been getting at work is doctors yelling!
When he picked me up for dinner, he looked fantastic in his dark blue jeans, white dress shirt and sport coat. I nice tall, cool drink of water if I do say so myself! lol We had a fantastic time talking and laughing about our daily lives and dating dilemmas. At the end of the night, he walked me to my door and gave me a nice first deep kiss. Yes this was the first deep kiss since we started seeing each other. Well that just knocked my socks off and it took all my might to not say "ok let's start this relationship thing you speak so highly of" but I didn't. I refrained because I can't jump in the deep end of the pool like I have so many times before.
I will say "Toby" puts a smile on my face and always treats me like a lady. I never have to open my own door, he's not afraid of public displays of affection like so many men are, and he says sweet things like "Ann, you are such and awesome caring person and I'm so glad I have met you." He never expects me to change my plans with my friends or family to see him, like some previous people I have dated did. These are all things I have NEVER had in any of my so called "relationships." It's all new territory for me and it's throwing me off my game. It's heart pounding excitement but I don't want to get burned again. So slow it is, for now and that's not bull shit!
Now I know it's still early on, we have only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but that's why I have this blog. To keep reminding me to take it down a notch, slow it down a bit and see what path I'm going to take on this journey I call my life.
Once I explained the method to my madness to him, he agreed to take things slow, and see other people. Well we really haven't because we haven't had too much time since work has been so busy for me lately - I just need this month to end!
This past Sunday Monica and I took "Toby" and his niece to the barn. "Toby" treated us all to breakfast and we all had a fabulous time playing with the "ponies" at the barn. His niece is hooked and wants to come out to the barn with Monica and me every weekend! "Toby" was amazed at how I taught his niece the basics of riding, being patient with every question the 8 year old had for me about riding and horses in general. She's an awesome kid so it was easy to apease her. After spending 5 hours together I needed to go because I had to attend a retirement party for a dear friend. I really didn't want to but needed to stay the couse and not spend too much time with him. He called me later that night to thank me for all I had done for his niece because she couldn't stop talking about riding my horse and Monica's horse! It was a dream come true for her. I will tell you I will take that kid out to the barn whenever she wants! She's an awesome kid and is eager to learn.
Anyway, the Thursday before Valentine's Day "Toby" called me and asked if I would be his Valentine by going to dinner with him. I graciously accepted. When V-Day arrived he sent me a dozen red roses with a teddy bear to my work with a sweet, simple card that said, "I hope this is the start to something special." Well it made my heart skip a beat. No guy has ever sent me flowers to my work before! He had the whole hospital buzzing! I'm not going to lie, the attention was nice for a change, since all the attention I've been getting at work is doctors yelling!
When he picked me up for dinner, he looked fantastic in his dark blue jeans, white dress shirt and sport coat. I nice tall, cool drink of water if I do say so myself! lol We had a fantastic time talking and laughing about our daily lives and dating dilemmas. At the end of the night, he walked me to my door and gave me a nice first deep kiss. Yes this was the first deep kiss since we started seeing each other. Well that just knocked my socks off and it took all my might to not say "ok let's start this relationship thing you speak so highly of" but I didn't. I refrained because I can't jump in the deep end of the pool like I have so many times before.
I will say "Toby" puts a smile on my face and always treats me like a lady. I never have to open my own door, he's not afraid of public displays of affection like so many men are, and he says sweet things like "Ann, you are such and awesome caring person and I'm so glad I have met you." He never expects me to change my plans with my friends or family to see him, like some previous people I have dated did. These are all things I have NEVER had in any of my so called "relationships." It's all new territory for me and it's throwing me off my game. It's heart pounding excitement but I don't want to get burned again. So slow it is, for now and that's not bull shit!
Now I know it's still early on, we have only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but that's why I have this blog. To keep reminding me to take it down a notch, slow it down a bit and see what path I'm going to take on this journey I call my life.
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Great Wall
So the Super Bowl was full of blunders and busts - from the National Anthem to the not so exciting commercials, which are always my favorite to watch and talk about in my class. But I had a fabulous time. "Toby" invited Monica and me over to watch the game with about 20 of his relatives - intimidating right? WRONG! We were welcomed in with warm hugs from the minute we got there to the time we left. They are a fun family to be around and it drew me closer to him. It was so odd how things just fell in place - if my wine glass was empty he would fill it - if his was empty I would fill his. Most of the time we were in different rooms talking to different people - periodically he would come to see how I was - rub my shoulders - give me a little kiss - it felt natural and right. WHO KNEW!!??
I was with my ex for six years and never felt that comfortable around his family nor did he ever treat me like that infront of anyone....actually treat me like I mattered. "Toby" made me feel like I mattered and it was extremely nice. I'm still taking it slow because let's face it ladies I have the Great Wall of China up around me after what I've been through, even though now I feel like I may have found a man willing to climb and conquer that wall.
I was with my ex for six years and never felt that comfortable around his family nor did he ever treat me like that infront of anyone....actually treat me like I mattered. "Toby" made me feel like I mattered and it was extremely nice. I'm still taking it slow because let's face it ladies I have the Great Wall of China up around me after what I've been through, even though now I feel like I may have found a man willing to climb and conquer that wall.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Feast or Fathom
What is it ladies!? When it comes to men it's either Feast or Fathom! This has been a trying week for me trying to figure out what exactly I want when it comes to a relationship. I feel as though I'm being seriously tested. I really like "Toby" but have been feeling a little overwhelmed with the dating thing. I'm not used to a man caring about me, my day or how I'm feeling. He's attentive, sweet, respective and compassionate - so why do I feel like I'm being bomarded by text messages and him wanting to see me all the time? As women isn't that what we want!? Or is it because I've never really had a true non-disfunctional relationship before? These are all questions I was asking by friend over lunch on Friday when low and behold the 36 year old I really liked this fall walked into the restaurant! I thought I was having an anxiety attack talking about my current situation when this action of him walking in just elevated it!
When he walked in he scanned the room and zeroed in on me. He walked over - acted surprised and chatted for a moment. My friend went to the bathroom and he called me over to his table. I told him I didn't want this to be weird (since my friend I was having lunch with and he work for the same employer - that's how we met). Anyway, he told me it could never be weird between us and then he gave me a big hug. He appologized for just walking away from me without a good explaination but had one. He said his ex-girlfriend (who I knew was stalking him) was making it too risky for me and that's why he ceased all communication with me. Since walking away he has thrown himself into work, been traveling all over the world and is exhausted. He asked for us to sit with him "because he hates to eat alone" (we said it at the same time). All three of us sat and chatted for a while then my friend needed to get back to work. He and I stayed to chat a bit more about what has been going on before I gave him a ride back to work. We sat in my car and chatted a bit more and he asked if he could take me out to dinner to chat some more. I said, "Sure only if you still have my number because I deleted you out of my contacts." He was shocked! Pulled out his phone and texted me right there on the spot. I laughed and he gave me a big hug and said he would be in touch. WELL this stirred up a TON of feelings! He was the one that bothered me the most because of how it ended. Without an explaination! When we met it was instant chemistry.
Needless to say ALL THIS threw me for a loop and I called my friend to fill her in. I was completely freaking out - what to do? Being a female, we always have a tendency to think too much and follow our heart! THAT'S BAD! Follow your gut! My head was dreaming up all the "what if" senarios and my heart was pounding with excitement. That is BAD - it's all what we wish would happen. Well now that it's a day later I'm glad I have some closure with him and understand why he did what he did. Now that I've had time to process it, settle down and stop thinking of the "what ifs" I truly don't think I'll hear from him again. He's a really nice, cute guy with a lot of bagage and those are the ones I DO NOT NEED! I have come to realize this after tonight's third date with"Toby."
There is something to be said for a man who has his daughter living with him and he took her for her first manicure and pedicure - not the mom. He even got one too!!! I almost fell over laughing at that! How cute- a 6ft. 4in dad taking his teenaged daughter for her first mani & pedi and getting one himself just to spend time with her. That shows you what kind of a man he is. I realized tonight I need to change MY way of thinking when it comes to men. I seem to go for the "bad boy," needy or law enforcement type and they just seem to shit all over you! I was having some anxiety that things were going too fast with "Toby" but now am not so sure. My friend who I was having lunch with was explaining that I need to "battle it out" with him a bit to establish some boundaries because we are BOTH strong people. She said, "Think about it, isn't it nice to have someone treat you like you always treat everyone else?" She's right and I'm going to see where this all goes. We talked tonight and are going to take it slow but in the end he still was making long term plans to take me places. It just made me smile. Who knows where this will go, only time will tell and that's not bull shit!
When he walked in he scanned the room and zeroed in on me. He walked over - acted surprised and chatted for a moment. My friend went to the bathroom and he called me over to his table. I told him I didn't want this to be weird (since my friend I was having lunch with and he work for the same employer - that's how we met). Anyway, he told me it could never be weird between us and then he gave me a big hug. He appologized for just walking away from me without a good explaination but had one. He said his ex-girlfriend (who I knew was stalking him) was making it too risky for me and that's why he ceased all communication with me. Since walking away he has thrown himself into work, been traveling all over the world and is exhausted. He asked for us to sit with him "because he hates to eat alone" (we said it at the same time). All three of us sat and chatted for a while then my friend needed to get back to work. He and I stayed to chat a bit more about what has been going on before I gave him a ride back to work. We sat in my car and chatted a bit more and he asked if he could take me out to dinner to chat some more. I said, "Sure only if you still have my number because I deleted you out of my contacts." He was shocked! Pulled out his phone and texted me right there on the spot. I laughed and he gave me a big hug and said he would be in touch. WELL this stirred up a TON of feelings! He was the one that bothered me the most because of how it ended. Without an explaination! When we met it was instant chemistry.
Needless to say ALL THIS threw me for a loop and I called my friend to fill her in. I was completely freaking out - what to do? Being a female, we always have a tendency to think too much and follow our heart! THAT'S BAD! Follow your gut! My head was dreaming up all the "what if" senarios and my heart was pounding with excitement. That is BAD - it's all what we wish would happen. Well now that it's a day later I'm glad I have some closure with him and understand why he did what he did. Now that I've had time to process it, settle down and stop thinking of the "what ifs" I truly don't think I'll hear from him again. He's a really nice, cute guy with a lot of bagage and those are the ones I DO NOT NEED! I have come to realize this after tonight's third date with"Toby."
There is something to be said for a man who has his daughter living with him and he took her for her first manicure and pedicure - not the mom. He even got one too!!! I almost fell over laughing at that! How cute- a 6ft. 4in dad taking his teenaged daughter for her first mani & pedi and getting one himself just to spend time with her. That shows you what kind of a man he is. I realized tonight I need to change MY way of thinking when it comes to men. I seem to go for the "bad boy," needy or law enforcement type and they just seem to shit all over you! I was having some anxiety that things were going too fast with "Toby" but now am not so sure. My friend who I was having lunch with was explaining that I need to "battle it out" with him a bit to establish some boundaries because we are BOTH strong people. She said, "Think about it, isn't it nice to have someone treat you like you always treat everyone else?" She's right and I'm going to see where this all goes. We talked tonight and are going to take it slow but in the end he still was making long term plans to take me places. It just made me smile. Who knows where this will go, only time will tell and that's not bull shit!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Selfish Society
This past weekend was quite eventful! I was so busy I hadn't had a chance to blog about it!!! On Friday I had date two with"Toby," then a black tie event for work Saturday, my sister came into town so we went out bar hopping after my event Saturday, Sunday we recovered and went shopping, Monday I had to take my sister with me to work because she had a few tests she needed done, and then my sister left for home on Tuesday. WOW lots packed into a few short days! My sister, niece and I had an awesome time. Lots of laughs and "girl" time.
We watched the movie "The Lost Valentine" with Betty White and it got us talking. How did society get so selfish when it comes to love? That movie talked about a time when couples fell in love and stayed together through thick and thin. Now it seems it's too easy to give up on "love" and move on to the next potential "love." Why is that?! We think it's because people don't live their lives for other people anymore, now they are selfish and live for themselves. Society has made it to easy for people to give up, throw in the towel and get divorced. After watching that movie, back in the days of War people felt they didn't have time to waste and got married. They wanted to do nice things for their loved ones. Why have we lost that? Wars still happen but it seems military wives have evolved and now have a habit of cheating or leaving their men while they are firghting for our country's freedom instead of sticking by their sides. (I know a number of women who have done this and I'm not saying all military wives are like this but there are a number of them that do and it's disappointing!)
Anyway, the movie made us all long for a love that was our equal. One who wants to take care of us instead of us taking care of them like so many men want these days. What is it with men wanting a "Mommy" to take care of them anyway!? I seem to find all the strays and so does my sister. "Toby" said something to me last night that made me think. We were talking about where we might be headed and I told him we needed to take it slow, he agreed but said he could see himself carrying me through life to the finish line. Scary since this all just started but makes you stop and think about what kind of guy he is.
I really like him but I have a habit of jumping in too quick at a dead run and I just can't do that again. I feel like I just got "me" back after getting out of my last relationship and I don't want to lose me again. I like me! And I don't want that to sound selfish but I think you really need to love yourself before you can find the love of your life and that's not bull shit or selfish.
We watched the movie "The Lost Valentine" with Betty White and it got us talking. How did society get so selfish when it comes to love? That movie talked about a time when couples fell in love and stayed together through thick and thin. Now it seems it's too easy to give up on "love" and move on to the next potential "love." Why is that?! We think it's because people don't live their lives for other people anymore, now they are selfish and live for themselves. Society has made it to easy for people to give up, throw in the towel and get divorced. After watching that movie, back in the days of War people felt they didn't have time to waste and got married. They wanted to do nice things for their loved ones. Why have we lost that? Wars still happen but it seems military wives have evolved and now have a habit of cheating or leaving their men while they are firghting for our country's freedom instead of sticking by their sides. (I know a number of women who have done this and I'm not saying all military wives are like this but there are a number of them that do and it's disappointing!)
Anyway, the movie made us all long for a love that was our equal. One who wants to take care of us instead of us taking care of them like so many men want these days. What is it with men wanting a "Mommy" to take care of them anyway!? I seem to find all the strays and so does my sister. "Toby" said something to me last night that made me think. We were talking about where we might be headed and I told him we needed to take it slow, he agreed but said he could see himself carrying me through life to the finish line. Scary since this all just started but makes you stop and think about what kind of guy he is.
I really like him but I have a habit of jumping in too quick at a dead run and I just can't do that again. I feel like I just got "me" back after getting out of my last relationship and I don't want to lose me again. I like me! And I don't want that to sound selfish but I think you really need to love yourself before you can find the love of your life and that's not bull shit or selfish.
Taking it Slow
Ok so date number two with "Toby Keith" was fun but interesting. We went out for dinner at a Japanese restuarant for hibachi. We sat with an "interesting" family - why wouldn't we!!! The parents were demanding the $6 meal!!! We aren't at Wegman's!!! The average price for dinner is $18! Their son is in his late 30's and mentally handicapped, not that he could help it but he was drooling all over the place. "Toby" kept saying that he was so sorry for all this and I said hey at least we are having dinner and a show!! Then all of a sudden the mother sitting next to him laid out a huge fart!!! We almost died!!! We were laughing so hard!! I do a good imitation of how the dinner went. "Toby" kept appologizing and I said what are you going to do. I then took him to Dessert Deli where we laughed and rehashed our nutty dinner. He told me he needed to redeem himself and we went to the movies. It was so cute he held my hand through the entire movie. Things are progressing so we'll see how it goes. I'm taking it slow.
Date three is Saturday. He is taking me to the Harlem Globtrotters! I haven't seen them since I as a kid so this should be fun! Stay tuned.
Date three is Saturday. He is taking me to the Harlem Globtrotters! I haven't seen them since I as a kid so this should be fun! Stay tuned.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Dream Guy or Not?
I'm going out on date number 2 with "Toby Keith" (that's what I'm going to call this guy) tomorrow and can't wait!!! I'm so excited but nervous! I haven't felt like this in so long but I have to keep reminding myself to "take it down a notch" and it's really not easy at all. Only a few of my close friends know that I have recruited a certified matchmake to help me in my quest for love. They are even excited about this!
I've never had a man treat me like this. Every morning since we met he has sent me a text message such as "Good Morning. Hope you have a great day at work." Then he calls me after work to see how my day was and he always ends it with "I'm looking forward to seeing your friday." He also will text me at night saying "Good night, sleep well." During our conversation yesterday he told me I was on his mind because he had to drive down to Olean to one of his sites and the company car he was driving had Sirius radio in it. The station it was programed to was all 80's music which was part of our conversation when we first met. We both love all kinds of tunes from the 70's until now but the 80's are dear to our hearts because that's when we were teenages. Needless to say he listened to it during his round trip commute. Cute right!? I thought so.
Anyway tomorrow we are going out for Japanese food then a movie. He offered to pick me up but I told him I would meet him at the restaurant. I'm not ready for him to know where I live. I'm trying not to jump in too quickly which I tend to do with EVERYTHING!!! Now that I'm 40 I'm attempting to think things through a bit more than I otherwise would. Using my past knowledge so I won't make the same mistakes twice, or three times, hell lets be honest maybe even four times! lol Live and LEARN!
We'll see if this new found philosophy will work for me. Stay tuned for a report on tomorrow nights date! Dream guy or not?
I've never had a man treat me like this. Every morning since we met he has sent me a text message such as "Good Morning. Hope you have a great day at work." Then he calls me after work to see how my day was and he always ends it with "I'm looking forward to seeing your friday." He also will text me at night saying "Good night, sleep well." During our conversation yesterday he told me I was on his mind because he had to drive down to Olean to one of his sites and the company car he was driving had Sirius radio in it. The station it was programed to was all 80's music which was part of our conversation when we first met. We both love all kinds of tunes from the 70's until now but the 80's are dear to our hearts because that's when we were teenages. Needless to say he listened to it during his round trip commute. Cute right!? I thought so.
Anyway tomorrow we are going out for Japanese food then a movie. He offered to pick me up but I told him I would meet him at the restaurant. I'm not ready for him to know where I live. I'm trying not to jump in too quickly which I tend to do with EVERYTHING!!! Now that I'm 40 I'm attempting to think things through a bit more than I otherwise would. Using my past knowledge so I won't make the same mistakes twice, or three times, hell lets be honest maybe even four times! lol Live and LEARN!
We'll see if this new found philosophy will work for me. Stay tuned for a report on tomorrow nights date! Dream guy or not?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
On Another Note
Ok on another note - I'm teaching a Public Speaking class at a local college and we started back to school on January 18th. I only teach a Tuesday, Thursday class from 8am-9:20am. Well today, on the 3rd day of class I have the kids give a brief speech about themselves, so we can get to know each other and it usually relaxes the kids so they can speak more comfortably in front of the others.
Well one student came in late during a classmates speech, which is a no no in my class. I made him appologize to the student he interupted and then made him sit in the front of the class room facing the class until it was his turn - which was last.
To my dismay, when it came to his turn, he got up at the podium and told us how he came to this college because it was the only one that accepted him, he and his friends like to "dine and dash" especially at Denny's cuz theys are all poor black boys thats gots no money ands needs to eat! Well the look on my face as well as my students said it all! The class goes "why would you do that to someone like us who is working hard for their education!? That's so wrong!" Well it started an entire debate in my class. UGH Furthermore, I told him he needs to get to my class on time and if he continues to be late it counts against his grade. He told me he has to commute, so I say from where, he goes Buffalo! I say WE ARE IN BUFFALO!!! He said "I have to make myslef look pretty in the morning!" Really!!??? REALLY??!!!! I told him he needs to get up much earlier! WTF!!???
Well one student came in late during a classmates speech, which is a no no in my class. I made him appologize to the student he interupted and then made him sit in the front of the class room facing the class until it was his turn - which was last.
To my dismay, when it came to his turn, he got up at the podium and told us how he came to this college because it was the only one that accepted him, he and his friends like to "dine and dash" especially at Denny's cuz theys are all poor black boys thats gots no money ands needs to eat! Well the look on my face as well as my students said it all! The class goes "why would you do that to someone like us who is working hard for their education!? That's so wrong!" Well it started an entire debate in my class. UGH Furthermore, I told him he needs to get to my class on time and if he continues to be late it counts against his grade. He told me he has to commute, so I say from where, he goes Buffalo! I say WE ARE IN BUFFALO!!! He said "I have to make myslef look pretty in the morning!" Really!!??? REALLY??!!!! I told him he needs to get up much earlier! WTF!!???
Taking it down a notch
Well I went out on my date last night and it was amazing! He's so nice, the conversation just flowed and there was chemistry! He is adorable!!! He reminds me of Toby Keith - tall, sweet, with that bad boy look. We have a lot in common, he's very family orientated and loves the outdoors. When I talked to my friend she goes, "Ann, I haven't heard you this giddy since college!" Who knew you could feel this way in your 40's! The 40's ARE the new 20's ladies!!!! EMBRACE IT!! We are going out again Friday and I'm really looking forward to it.
My matchmaker is pleased. We both had to check in with her today after our date like two teenage kids checking in with the parents. She asked how it went and I told her how amazing I thought he was. Apparently he told her he knew when I walked up it was going to be a great date. Upon meeting he hugged me hello! It was so cute since he's 6ft 4in and I'm 5ft 2in!!! It melted me on the spot. Now I can't get all caught up just yet since that seems to my M.O. I need to take a step back and not jump in with both feet running. My matchmaker reminded me of this and I told her I would take it down a notch. That was easier said than done when he called me tonight to set up Friday's date. I could listen to that man talk all night but I cut the conversation off. Then I thought I may have hung up on him since I heard his voice as I clicked the end button! UGH Typical me! So I felt bad and texted him "I'm sorry if I hung up on you. Looking forward to friday." Not sure if that was appropriate but hey I didn't want to call him back and talk too much on the phone. My matchmaker says keep phone calls to a minimum but I don't think she meant hang up on him! LOL
Good God this dating thing is HARD!!! It's such bullshit that as an adult you think there are no rules, do what you think is right but how do you know what is right!? Obviously what I have done in the past hasn't worked so I'm sticking with my matchmakers advice. I'm sticking to taking it down a notch. So tonight I'm going to watch the Sabres game, have a little Bailey's on the rocks (Diane you got me hooked on that!) and then soak in my hot tub. I'm going to relax - Lord knows I need to at this point!!!! I'm not going to over think this since that's what women tend to do.
How is it that men and women are so different? Women analyze EVERYTHING - men don't, women tend to listen to their heart - men don't always know they have one! But I think this guy does have a heart and that's why I like him. He walked me to my car, gave me another bear hug and kiss on the cheek, saying he had a wonderful time. Again it melted me - oh and there was just something in his big blue eyes that grabbed me. OK enough - I'm taking it down a notch.
BUT I am excited for Friday!
My matchmaker is pleased. We both had to check in with her today after our date like two teenage kids checking in with the parents. She asked how it went and I told her how amazing I thought he was. Apparently he told her he knew when I walked up it was going to be a great date. Upon meeting he hugged me hello! It was so cute since he's 6ft 4in and I'm 5ft 2in!!! It melted me on the spot. Now I can't get all caught up just yet since that seems to my M.O. I need to take a step back and not jump in with both feet running. My matchmaker reminded me of this and I told her I would take it down a notch. That was easier said than done when he called me tonight to set up Friday's date. I could listen to that man talk all night but I cut the conversation off. Then I thought I may have hung up on him since I heard his voice as I clicked the end button! UGH Typical me! So I felt bad and texted him "I'm sorry if I hung up on you. Looking forward to friday." Not sure if that was appropriate but hey I didn't want to call him back and talk too much on the phone. My matchmaker says keep phone calls to a minimum but I don't think she meant hang up on him! LOL
Good God this dating thing is HARD!!! It's such bullshit that as an adult you think there are no rules, do what you think is right but how do you know what is right!? Obviously what I have done in the past hasn't worked so I'm sticking with my matchmakers advice. I'm sticking to taking it down a notch. So tonight I'm going to watch the Sabres game, have a little Bailey's on the rocks (Diane you got me hooked on that!) and then soak in my hot tub. I'm going to relax - Lord knows I need to at this point!!!! I'm not going to over think this since that's what women tend to do.
How is it that men and women are so different? Women analyze EVERYTHING - men don't, women tend to listen to their heart - men don't always know they have one! But I think this guy does have a heart and that's why I like him. He walked me to my car, gave me another bear hug and kiss on the cheek, saying he had a wonderful time. Again it melted me - oh and there was just something in his big blue eyes that grabbed me. OK enough - I'm taking it down a notch.
BUT I am excited for Friday!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Women Are Gardeners When It Comes To Finding LOVE
So I was thinking about it and women are like gardeners when it comes to love. We have to "weed" through all the bad ones in order to find that prize "flower" we want to grow through life with. Think about it ladies, we meet men, pluck them out of their environments to see if they can grow and thrive in ours and if they don't, we put them back in the soil they came from for another woman/gardener to tend to them. Starting the process all over again.
This dating thing is so tedious, just like gardening! I mean really, it breaks your back but in the end you end up happy with the results! Right!? Well, we'll find out if my new found philosophy is right, won't we. I mean we have to time our first calls (preparing the soil), our first face to face meeting should only be 1-2 hours (digging the hole to plant the seed), then we have to decide if we want to see each other again (plant the seed), if so we have a timed talk and then meet again (water the seed). Each time divulging just a little more about ourselves to see if we "click" with each other, if there is that special "spark" that could blossom into something more. Each meeting we are tending to our potential flower in the hopes of turning it into a perennial garden full of butterflies. We nurture our seedling until we see if it has the potential to become something bright and beautiful, if not we plant a new seed and see where it goes. But we have to remember not to spend too much time on our new seedling, because it could turn out to be poison ivy! Go with your gut when it comes to first impressions. If you don't like what you see in the early stages, you're likely to really be diappointed with the final results. Pull it out of your garden and start a new one. So ladies, let's all go get a green thumb and tend to our potentially promising potted plant!
This dating thing is so tedious, just like gardening! I mean really, it breaks your back but in the end you end up happy with the results! Right!? Well, we'll find out if my new found philosophy is right, won't we. I mean we have to time our first calls (preparing the soil), our first face to face meeting should only be 1-2 hours (digging the hole to plant the seed), then we have to decide if we want to see each other again (plant the seed), if so we have a timed talk and then meet again (water the seed). Each time divulging just a little more about ourselves to see if we "click" with each other, if there is that special "spark" that could blossom into something more. Each meeting we are tending to our potential flower in the hopes of turning it into a perennial garden full of butterflies. We nurture our seedling until we see if it has the potential to become something bright and beautiful, if not we plant a new seed and see where it goes. But we have to remember not to spend too much time on our new seedling, because it could turn out to be poison ivy! Go with your gut when it comes to first impressions. If you don't like what you see in the early stages, you're likely to really be diappointed with the final results. Pull it out of your garden and start a new one. So ladies, let's all go get a green thumb and tend to our potentially promising potted plant!
Timing Your Talks Takes Talent!
My next "date" called. He's very nice and we are going out on Monday to dinner at 6:30pm. We chatted for only about 10 minutes on Friday with brief introductions/conversation - we need to leave something to talk about when we meet! LOL Anyway I found out quite a bit in that short 10 minute converstion and am looking forward to meeting him.
I find it funny how guys introduce them selves/strike up conversation with a woman they have never met. There is usually a lot of hesitations, they sometimes talk over you prematurely with an exciting story of their own, and the inevitable nervous giggle/laugh. This guy, however, was very confident, didn't jump over what I was saying but politely waited for me to finish before pausing a moment and answering. It was a really pleasant conversation!
The match maker says the first phone conversation shouldn't be more than 5 minutes long - enough for a brief introduction and to set up where you are going to meet. She said leave them with an air of mystery about you - if you talk too much during the first conversation you won't have anything to talk about when you meet and you will have to struggle to make conversation. It's a good tip to live by ladies so start timing your talks with a new man! Make them wait to find out about you AND YOU should always cut off the converstation. I was good at this - the first guy that called me, I cut off at 5 min 25 sec. This one was a little more difficult because he was so relaxed! The conversation just flowed and I began getting caught up in it! UGH We lasted 9 min 38 sec! My niece was yelling at me telling me "Times up you need to HANG UP!" lol. I did and am looking forward to meeting him. This conversation advice isn't bull shit advice at all - it's actually words to live by.
It's amazing though what you can find out about someone in just 9min and 38sec. Ok so this is what I got during our first timed talk: he's originally from Buffalo and moved back after 20 years in Texas, he's retired from the Navy, divorced with 2 teenage kids, just moved into his newly built house in the country, hasn't bought a snowblower yet and is regreting it, doesn't mind the snow and is enjoying being back in the area close to family, hates extremely hot/muggy weather and doesn't miss Southern Texas too much, it's his grandmother's 87 birthday this weekend and is going to his cousin's house for the party on Sunday but will be home in time to watch the Sabres play at 7:30, his 19 year old daughter moved here with him and has been adjusting to the move and is experiencing the change of seasons for the first time which she is enjoying, he's an IT Specialist and works 7am-3pm but once in a while has to work 8:30am-4:30pm - he tries to stick to the 7-3 shift during the summer since he loves doing outdoor activities, he told me to stay warm over this extremely cold weekend and enjoy my time away from work. PHEW! There's a lot of preliminary information there huh!? Can you see how I got wrapped up in chatting with him! It just flowed and don't get me wrong he was asking me questions in between all of this. It's easy to get caught up! Thank God your cell phone times your phone conversations so you don't have to "keep track" during your talk! Let me tell you timing your talks take talent! Try it!
I find it funny how guys introduce them selves/strike up conversation with a woman they have never met. There is usually a lot of hesitations, they sometimes talk over you prematurely with an exciting story of their own, and the inevitable nervous giggle/laugh. This guy, however, was very confident, didn't jump over what I was saying but politely waited for me to finish before pausing a moment and answering. It was a really pleasant conversation!
The match maker says the first phone conversation shouldn't be more than 5 minutes long - enough for a brief introduction and to set up where you are going to meet. She said leave them with an air of mystery about you - if you talk too much during the first conversation you won't have anything to talk about when you meet and you will have to struggle to make conversation. It's a good tip to live by ladies so start timing your talks with a new man! Make them wait to find out about you AND YOU should always cut off the converstation. I was good at this - the first guy that called me, I cut off at 5 min 25 sec. This one was a little more difficult because he was so relaxed! The conversation just flowed and I began getting caught up in it! UGH We lasted 9 min 38 sec! My niece was yelling at me telling me "Times up you need to HANG UP!" lol. I did and am looking forward to meeting him. This conversation advice isn't bull shit advice at all - it's actually words to live by.
It's amazing though what you can find out about someone in just 9min and 38sec. Ok so this is what I got during our first timed talk: he's originally from Buffalo and moved back after 20 years in Texas, he's retired from the Navy, divorced with 2 teenage kids, just moved into his newly built house in the country, hasn't bought a snowblower yet and is regreting it, doesn't mind the snow and is enjoying being back in the area close to family, hates extremely hot/muggy weather and doesn't miss Southern Texas too much, it's his grandmother's 87 birthday this weekend and is going to his cousin's house for the party on Sunday but will be home in time to watch the Sabres play at 7:30, his 19 year old daughter moved here with him and has been adjusting to the move and is experiencing the change of seasons for the first time which she is enjoying, he's an IT Specialist and works 7am-3pm but once in a while has to work 8:30am-4:30pm - he tries to stick to the 7-3 shift during the summer since he loves doing outdoor activities, he told me to stay warm over this extremely cold weekend and enjoy my time away from work. PHEW! There's a lot of preliminary information there huh!? Can you see how I got wrapped up in chatting with him! It just flowed and don't get me wrong he was asking me questions in between all of this. It's easy to get caught up! Thank God your cell phone times your phone conversations so you don't have to "keep track" during your talk! Let me tell you timing your talks take talent! Try it!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Undercover Dater
OK ladies, the matchmaker called with another "date" - he's 41 years old, 6' 4" tall with brown hair and blue eyes. He's an IT Specialist and will call in the next 24-48 hours. All this sounds like a covert mission!!! Who knew "dating" was so sly. This has been so exciting, like I'm back doing undercover investigations for Crime Stoppers! Now it's an entirely different type of "undercover" mission!!! LOL Just kidding - I'm NOT jumping into bed with any of these men I'm meeting. Just thought it would be something funny to say at the moment. In all honesty I'll be interested to see how many men I meet before I really feel like I want to spend some substantial time with them.
On another note, I started teaching the Spring semester Public Speaking class this week and the class is full of freshmen teenagers with the exception of one. He's 35 years old and wants to do something new with his life so decided to go back to school to be a Vetrinarian Technition. He just moved back to the area from Illinois and is divorced. He's about 6' 2" tall, nice build, held the door for me, nice eyes and all I can say is I'm mildly attracted to him!!! Not good for a teacher-student relationship. Today he was asking me lots of questions including how old I am, do I have kids, any animals so I cut it off before he asked the big question since I knew where it was going! Thank God we didn't get to the "Are you single" questions! I was having technical difficulties with the audio/visual equipment and took that as my opportunity as an out of the conversation since my class room was starting to fill up. OMG it's only the second day of class! This is going to be a LONG SEMESTER!!!
On another note, I started teaching the Spring semester Public Speaking class this week and the class is full of freshmen teenagers with the exception of one. He's 35 years old and wants to do something new with his life so decided to go back to school to be a Vetrinarian Technition. He just moved back to the area from Illinois and is divorced. He's about 6' 2" tall, nice build, held the door for me, nice eyes and all I can say is I'm mildly attracted to him!!! Not good for a teacher-student relationship. Today he was asking me lots of questions including how old I am, do I have kids, any animals so I cut it off before he asked the big question since I knew where it was going! Thank God we didn't get to the "Are you single" questions! I was having technical difficulties with the audio/visual equipment and took that as my opportunity as an out of the conversation since my class room was starting to fill up. OMG it's only the second day of class! This is going to be a LONG SEMESTER!!!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Finding Happiness Investigation
So last night I went to a Festivas party put on by a coworker. The host asked everyone to bring their favorite party food - each would be judged and prizes would be given out. It's the 3rd year running and I've enjoyed attending each time. There is always excellent food and fabulous conversations full of laughter. I think it's because there is always a total mix of people there - coworkers, heterosexual and homosexual couples as well as single heterosexual and homosexual individuals. I'm always facinated by the dynamics of the crowd, so this time I decided to sit back and observe the interaction between everyone. Since I'm looking for a "soul mate" I wanted to see how the couples interacted with each other.
I was impressed. There was no division between any of them - they all mingled, chatted, and joked with each other. Normally heterosexual men are uncomfortable with homosexual men but last night there were no barriers. I was so proud to be with this group last night because that's not always the case. I've always found women to accept homosexuality better then men. For example, I used to work at AIDS Community Services of WNY doing fundraising and media relations. When it came to going to events, my boyfriend at the time always found a reason not to attend with me. I slowly realized he was homophobic! Which in this day and age is rediculous. At any case he missed out on some great events and meeting some great people. Later after we broke up most of my family confessed to me they thought HE WAS GAY! I was shocked! Maybe that's what drove his homophobic nature - who knows who cares that's over and done with. If he's gay that would be my luck though. lol
Getting back to the party, sorry I digressed, it was amazing to see how attentive and respectful both sets of couples were with their partners as they helped prepare the dips, desserts and delicious appetizers they brought for the big competition. That's what I want. Someone to be by my side no matter what. So I ventured into the crowd and began investigating what makes a good union between two people.
Some couples met through friends or family, others while shopping and a few met through dating websites. All that I spoke to said there was a certain "spark" the minute they met each other but like anything in life their relationships have all taken work by both parties. One man said they learned to love, respect and honor each other through time but knew early on it was worth the work. "You both need to be happy in your life before you can join the two together," said another man, "Once you are content with your own life, that will open you up to finding the same in a partner." Well that explains it. Lord knows over the past 6+ years my life has been in turmoil! I lost both my parents to cancer 3 weeks apart, then lost a total of 5 more close relatives to cancer just 9 months after that, lost my job a month after purchasing the house I grew up in, my brother and sister weren't speaking to either me or each other, and I was struggling fincancially after losing my $90,000 a year job and forced to take a job that paid only $25,000, so in order to keep what I had worked so hard to get I had to work two jobs (including being a cashier at Target) just to make ends meet. I clawed my way back upward and onward and now I finally realize I am content with where I work, live and play. There is no way I could have committed to making someone else happy during those years when I was struggling daily with death, family disfunction and just making ends meet. It's all coming full circle for me now and I'm embracing it with excitement.
The conversations I had with everyone last night made my eyes open wide and realize NOW is MY TIME. It will be just a matter of time before I find the man I'm supposed to share my life with. I believe things happen for a reason and last night's party was ment for me to become aware of what's to come. Watching and talking to everyone made me feel good and know better days are ahead. So if you are ever wondering where your knight in shining armor is? Look at yourself first, because if YOU are NOT HAPPY, YOU will NOT find HAPPINESS. So start getting happy! And that's not bull shit advice!
I was impressed. There was no division between any of them - they all mingled, chatted, and joked with each other. Normally heterosexual men are uncomfortable with homosexual men but last night there were no barriers. I was so proud to be with this group last night because that's not always the case. I've always found women to accept homosexuality better then men. For example, I used to work at AIDS Community Services of WNY doing fundraising and media relations. When it came to going to events, my boyfriend at the time always found a reason not to attend with me. I slowly realized he was homophobic! Which in this day and age is rediculous. At any case he missed out on some great events and meeting some great people. Later after we broke up most of my family confessed to me they thought HE WAS GAY! I was shocked! Maybe that's what drove his homophobic nature - who knows who cares that's over and done with. If he's gay that would be my luck though. lol
Getting back to the party, sorry I digressed, it was amazing to see how attentive and respectful both sets of couples were with their partners as they helped prepare the dips, desserts and delicious appetizers they brought for the big competition. That's what I want. Someone to be by my side no matter what. So I ventured into the crowd and began investigating what makes a good union between two people.
Some couples met through friends or family, others while shopping and a few met through dating websites. All that I spoke to said there was a certain "spark" the minute they met each other but like anything in life their relationships have all taken work by both parties. One man said they learned to love, respect and honor each other through time but knew early on it was worth the work. "You both need to be happy in your life before you can join the two together," said another man, "Once you are content with your own life, that will open you up to finding the same in a partner." Well that explains it. Lord knows over the past 6+ years my life has been in turmoil! I lost both my parents to cancer 3 weeks apart, then lost a total of 5 more close relatives to cancer just 9 months after that, lost my job a month after purchasing the house I grew up in, my brother and sister weren't speaking to either me or each other, and I was struggling fincancially after losing my $90,000 a year job and forced to take a job that paid only $25,000, so in order to keep what I had worked so hard to get I had to work two jobs (including being a cashier at Target) just to make ends meet. I clawed my way back upward and onward and now I finally realize I am content with where I work, live and play. There is no way I could have committed to making someone else happy during those years when I was struggling daily with death, family disfunction and just making ends meet. It's all coming full circle for me now and I'm embracing it with excitement.
The conversations I had with everyone last night made my eyes open wide and realize NOW is MY TIME. It will be just a matter of time before I find the man I'm supposed to share my life with. I believe things happen for a reason and last night's party was ment for me to become aware of what's to come. Watching and talking to everyone made me feel good and know better days are ahead. So if you are ever wondering where your knight in shining armor is? Look at yourself first, because if YOU are NOT HAPPY, YOU will NOT find HAPPINESS. So start getting happy! And that's not bull shit advice!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Networking
Well I met my first "match" last night. He's 48 years old, physically fit and a corrections officer. We had a nice dinner and some great conversation. It turns out we know A LOT of the same people. Of course, why wouldn't we! Anyway, we agreed at the end of the night we enjoy each other's company but would be better if we were friends. He's very nice, sweet and respectful, just not what I'm looking for and there was no chemistry. Ladies, we all know there has to be chemistry!!! We are going to hang out once in a while because you never know who either one of us can meet through the other - it's called networking.
Now I think we need to do more "networking" in our lives. I can help us in both our love lives and professional lives. For instance, I was scanning a Facebook friend's "friend" list because I was extremely board during a meeting at work - my A.D.D. was in high gear and I needed to do something to pass the time. I came across a nice looking man on her list. Since I'm bold & beauty (LOL) I decided to shoot her an email inquiring about him. She thinks it would be a great idea for us to meet!!! Hey why not right?
I have decided "networking" is also a good thing for my career. I have several black tie affairs coming up and instead of taking a girlfriend, I have recruited my friend who is a federal agent to go with me. I even have a back up if he can't make it, a former colleague/reporter from my TV days. It always looks better if you have a date with you when networking - especially an outgoing one. Well, it turns out my two "dates" might need me to go with them to some events as well - once again giving me a chance to network with people I otherwise would have never met. How exciting!
Think about it - there are so many ways to network these days - especiall on the internet! We have Facebook (social networking), LinkedIn (professional networking), ABC.com (news networking) and then you have BLOGS like this one! It's all about connecting, reconnecting and meeting new people. So lets all get out there and NETWORK! You never know what can come out of it.
Now I think we need to do more "networking" in our lives. I can help us in both our love lives and professional lives. For instance, I was scanning a Facebook friend's "friend" list because I was extremely board during a meeting at work - my A.D.D. was in high gear and I needed to do something to pass the time. I came across a nice looking man on her list. Since I'm bold & beauty (LOL) I decided to shoot her an email inquiring about him. She thinks it would be a great idea for us to meet!!! Hey why not right?
I have decided "networking" is also a good thing for my career. I have several black tie affairs coming up and instead of taking a girlfriend, I have recruited my friend who is a federal agent to go with me. I even have a back up if he can't make it, a former colleague/reporter from my TV days. It always looks better if you have a date with you when networking - especially an outgoing one. Well, it turns out my two "dates" might need me to go with them to some events as well - once again giving me a chance to network with people I otherwise would have never met. How exciting!
Think about it - there are so many ways to network these days - especiall on the internet! We have Facebook (social networking), LinkedIn (professional networking), ABC.com (news networking) and then you have BLOGS like this one! It's all about connecting, reconnecting and meeting new people. So lets all get out there and NETWORK! You never know what can come out of it.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Fairy Tales
It's amazing to me that when you're a little girl your mother reads you books about Prince Charming who comes in to rescue the Princess - secretly instilling in you there is a Prince Charming out there just waiting to sweep you off your feet. Now that's bullshit! I believe these fairy tales may have made a number of girls live in "Neverland" waiting for their Prince to arrive, when there is no real Prince just possible companions.
I met a woman today who is in her 40's and pregnant with a daughter. She was artificially impregnated about 30 weeks ago and was just diagnosed with breast cancer. This devistated me since I would like nothing more than to find a man and have a child. Anyway, she was sick of waiting for her Prince to arrive and decided to take charge of her life, fullfill her life, with her dream of a child. She was going to have almost everything she wanted and then was hit with the news she had cancer. This woman is an amazingly strong person and I have no doubt she will beat this dreaded disease but in my conversation with her she said something that prompted me to post this. She said she was NOT going to read any fairy tales to her daughter because she didn't want her to have the "Prince" perception growing up. Instead she got all Dr. Seuss books and one I never heard of called "The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs." It's a story from the wolf's perspective, how he happened to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time with a terrible cold. You have to read the original book first to your child then this one. What a concept huh?? Who would have thought anyone would write a book on the other characters perspective of the situation? I supposed it's just like the Broadway hit "Wicked." At any rate it's about time we start teaching our kids about the REAL WORLD instead of filling their heads with fairy tales. Don't get me wrong - Disney movies here and there a definate must - but don't shove Prince Charming down your daughters throats because would if he doesn't come through.
I hope and pray for this woman and her unborn daughter, knowing she has so much to give and teach this little bundle of joy who will grace the world in a few weeks. I also hope she will ultimately get her fairly tale ending of bliss and joy.
I learned a lot from her today that I will take with me through my life when I eventually have a child and through my dating journey - since I told her a little of what was going on with me. She asked me to periodically visit her with my crazy stories to help pass the time - which I agreeded to. I have my first "date" Thursday so stay tuned! I hope to make you all laugh like I did her today. A study showed laughter makes you live longer - I hope I can assist her and you in that.
I met a woman today who is in her 40's and pregnant with a daughter. She was artificially impregnated about 30 weeks ago and was just diagnosed with breast cancer. This devistated me since I would like nothing more than to find a man and have a child. Anyway, she was sick of waiting for her Prince to arrive and decided to take charge of her life, fullfill her life, with her dream of a child. She was going to have almost everything she wanted and then was hit with the news she had cancer. This woman is an amazingly strong person and I have no doubt she will beat this dreaded disease but in my conversation with her she said something that prompted me to post this. She said she was NOT going to read any fairy tales to her daughter because she didn't want her to have the "Prince" perception growing up. Instead she got all Dr. Seuss books and one I never heard of called "The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs." It's a story from the wolf's perspective, how he happened to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time with a terrible cold. You have to read the original book first to your child then this one. What a concept huh?? Who would have thought anyone would write a book on the other characters perspective of the situation? I supposed it's just like the Broadway hit "Wicked." At any rate it's about time we start teaching our kids about the REAL WORLD instead of filling their heads with fairy tales. Don't get me wrong - Disney movies here and there a definate must - but don't shove Prince Charming down your daughters throats because would if he doesn't come through.
I hope and pray for this woman and her unborn daughter, knowing she has so much to give and teach this little bundle of joy who will grace the world in a few weeks. I also hope she will ultimately get her fairly tale ending of bliss and joy.
I learned a lot from her today that I will take with me through my life when I eventually have a child and through my dating journey - since I told her a little of what was going on with me. She asked me to periodically visit her with my crazy stories to help pass the time - which I agreeded to. I have my first "date" Thursday so stay tuned! I hope to make you all laugh like I did her today. A study showed laughter makes you live longer - I hope I can assist her and you in that.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A must watch!!
This is very inspirational - take this advice through life ladies!
http://www.eightprinciples.com/
http://www.eightprinciples.com/
Dating Dilemma and Doing Something About It
Ok so my dating dilemma continues. So far I met a man who likes to dress up as pirates and mermans - UGH. Yes MERMANS! He also likes to garden and bake. Wants to build a home on some land and have windmills to power his electrick (that's how he spelled ELECTRIC!) Lord help me - how do I find these weirdos! I'm thinking he might be gay but who knows. I'm not investing any time in this. Done on to the next.
Then I met a guy through a friend who is very nice, we have hit it off but....and lately there always seems to be a "BUT" he doesn't know what he wants. Ready to hear why??? He moved back to the area a year ago to be closer to family and has remained on again/off again with his ex in Texas. He likes spending time with me and told his ex/not-ex about me and she asked him not to go any further with me until she gets a chance to come here and visit!! OK you're 38 years old - whose life is this??? Yours or her's? I mean can't you decide for yourself how you want YOUR life to go? Needless to say I told him this. I don't think it was very well received but hey I'm the most open and honest person you'll meet. I speak my mind and expect the same in return. Anyway I really do like this guy but I'm not going to wait around for another man to make up his mind. Time is precious, so my eyes and options are wide open.
A few months ago my niece went to a lecture at school and the guest speaker was a relationship expert. She's nationally known, written books on dating and has even been featured on Oprah. She advised my niece to have me call her - so I finally did afer 3 months of trying it on my own. I met with the dating expert this week to help me with my dating dilemma and assist in finding me a nice guy. Since I can't seem to find one myself I figured I need to recruit someone who knew what they were doing. She was open and honest, making me see what I have been doing wrong in past relationships and how I can fix it. I felt so pumped!!! She's going to find the man I've been searching for! She has an excellent success rate and quite the gift for picking out people who are a "match" in the match making biz.
The one thing that bothered me though is she asked one thing I could change about myself and I said my weight. I would like to lose a few more pounds. Hell who wouldn't right?! She told me to lose at least 20 more and I said I'm working on it. But now that I think about it that's so superficial and such bullshit! As an adult looking for love, why can't we all see what's on the inside instead of judging just what's on the outside?
Then I met a guy through a friend who is very nice, we have hit it off but....and lately there always seems to be a "BUT" he doesn't know what he wants. Ready to hear why??? He moved back to the area a year ago to be closer to family and has remained on again/off again with his ex in Texas. He likes spending time with me and told his ex/not-ex about me and she asked him not to go any further with me until she gets a chance to come here and visit!! OK you're 38 years old - whose life is this??? Yours or her's? I mean can't you decide for yourself how you want YOUR life to go? Needless to say I told him this. I don't think it was very well received but hey I'm the most open and honest person you'll meet. I speak my mind and expect the same in return. Anyway I really do like this guy but I'm not going to wait around for another man to make up his mind. Time is precious, so my eyes and options are wide open.
A few months ago my niece went to a lecture at school and the guest speaker was a relationship expert. She's nationally known, written books on dating and has even been featured on Oprah. She advised my niece to have me call her - so I finally did afer 3 months of trying it on my own. I met with the dating expert this week to help me with my dating dilemma and assist in finding me a nice guy. Since I can't seem to find one myself I figured I need to recruit someone who knew what they were doing. She was open and honest, making me see what I have been doing wrong in past relationships and how I can fix it. I felt so pumped!!! She's going to find the man I've been searching for! She has an excellent success rate and quite the gift for picking out people who are a "match" in the match making biz.
The one thing that bothered me though is she asked one thing I could change about myself and I said my weight. I would like to lose a few more pounds. Hell who wouldn't right?! She told me to lose at least 20 more and I said I'm working on it. But now that I think about it that's so superficial and such bullshit! As an adult looking for love, why can't we all see what's on the inside instead of judging just what's on the outside?
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