Feast or Fathom

What is it ladies!? When it comes to men it's either Feast or Fathom! This has been a trying week for me trying to figure out what exactly I want when it comes to a relationship. I feel as though I'm being seriously tested. I really like "Toby" but have been feeling a little overwhelmed with the dating thing. I'm not used to a man caring about me, my day or how I'm feeling. He's attentive, sweet, respective and compassionate - so why do I feel like I'm being bomarded by text messages and him wanting to see me all the time? As women isn't that what we want!? Or is it because I've never really had a true non-disfunctional relationship before? These are all questions I was asking by friend over lunch on Friday when low and behold the 36 year old I really liked this fall walked into the restaurant! I thought I was having an anxiety attack talking about my current situation when this action of him walking in just elevated it!

When he walked in he scanned the room and zeroed in on me. He walked over - acted surprised and chatted for a moment. My friend went to the bathroom and he called me over to his table. I told him I didn't want this to be weird (since my friend I was having lunch with and he work for the same employer - that's how we met). Anyway, he told me it could never be weird between us and then he gave me a big hug. He appologized for just walking away from me without a good explaination but had one. He said his ex-girlfriend (who I knew was stalking him) was making it too risky for me and that's why he ceased all communication with me. Since walking away he has thrown himself into work, been traveling all over the world and is exhausted. He asked for us to sit with him "because he hates to eat alone" (we said it at the same time). All three of us sat and chatted for a while then my friend needed to get back to work. He and I stayed to chat a bit more about what has been going on before I gave him a ride back to work. We sat in my car and chatted a bit more and he asked if he could take me out to dinner to chat some more. I said, "Sure only if you still have my number because I deleted you out of my contacts." He was shocked! Pulled out his phone and texted me right there on the spot. I laughed and he gave me a big hug and said he would be in touch. WELL this stirred up a TON of feelings! He was the one that bothered me the most because of how it ended. Without an explaination! When we met it was instant chemistry.

Needless to say ALL THIS threw me for a loop and I called my friend to fill her in. I was completely freaking out - what to do? Being a female, we always have a tendency to think too much and follow our heart! THAT'S BAD! Follow your gut! My head was dreaming up all the "what if" senarios and my heart was pounding with excitement. That is BAD - it's all what we wish would happen. Well now that it's a day later I'm glad I have some closure with him and understand why he did what he did. Now that I've had time to process it, settle down and stop thinking of the "what ifs" I truly don't think I'll hear from him again. He's a really nice, cute guy with a lot of bagage and those are the ones I DO NOT NEED! I have come to realize this after tonight's third date with"Toby."

There is something to be said for a man who has his daughter living with him and he took her for her first manicure and pedicure - not the mom. He even got one too!!! I almost fell over laughing at that! How cute- a 6ft. 4in dad taking his teenaged daughter for her first mani & pedi and getting one himself just to spend time with her. That shows you what kind of a man he is. I realized tonight I need to change MY way of thinking when it comes to men. I seem to go for the "bad boy," needy or law enforcement type and they just seem to shit all over you! I was having some anxiety that things were going too fast with "Toby" but now am not so sure. My friend who I was having lunch with was explaining that I need to "battle it out" with him a bit to establish some boundaries because we are BOTH strong people. She said, "Think about it, isn't it nice to have someone treat you like you always treat everyone else?" She's right and I'm going to see where this all goes. We talked tonight and are going to take it slow but in the end he still was making long term plans to take me places. It just made me smile. Who knows where this will go, only time will tell and that's not bull shit!