Finding Oz

As I sit here drinking my coffee on this cold winter morning, I find my self smiling! AND can't seem to stop smiling. Last night "Toby" and I had a long talk, deciding we are going to give this relationship thing a try. Both of us have been so hurt by past relationships in very similar ways, which is such bull shit, but we are going to move forward fresh and new.

It's amazing how when you (a woman) meet a "potential" suitor you imagine how and where they may fit into your life. Let's face it ladies, we all dream about what our lives can be like with that person; where you would travel to, where you would live, how certain scenes of your life would play out like in the movies. We use our brains which triggers our hearts. I came to realize last night that I could see him in my future - all of it - and had already begun making future plans with him. I obviously understand now that I planned on having him in my life all along because I truly enjoy spending time with him.

Something else happened this weekend that triggered all these rationalities. The 35 year old that unexpectedly walked back into my life was texting me while he was in Vegas at a bachelor party. At first I thought "Wow he's thinking of me while with his friends in Vegas - awesome!" NOT. I realized he's a an "of the moment" type of guy - yes I may fanticize about what life would be like with him and quite frankly I just came to the conclusion that I can't see it being good. He's a guy you have a "fling" with because there is that sexual chemistry you just can't ignore. But because of his age and selfishness I know it would never grow into some more meaningful. In my heart I know being in a relationship with "Toby" will grow into something so much more than I ever thought I would find. So, I've kicked the 35 year old to the curb - not that we had anything other than talking and texting going on - but it feels good to shed the bad and look forward to something bright.

Oh and because I'm sure you're wondering, yes there is a definite sexual chemistry going on between me and "Toby" - that was apparent last night! We are not going to rush it but let me tell you I can't wait for it!!! I know your most likely thinking "TMI ANN!!" but I have to just say it all hit me like a ton of bricks last night and I feel so much more content today. In recent months I've felt anxious, confused and quite frankly, down right discouraged with so called "Love." Not today.

I'll keep you posted on our journey down the relationship path. I know it won't always smell like roses but I'm heading down the yellow brick road in hope of finding the wonderful land of Oz.