Freak Out

Well I have recently had a little freak out in my relationship journey with "Toby." He launched the "L" word the other day and personally I think it's way too soon for that!! We have only been dating since the end of January so we have only known each other for about two months. Needless to say I told him that bothered me and that I wasn't at that point. Once again I explained we needed to take it down a notch! He instead kept saying it at the end of every conversation and text message! UGH What to do? Last night I had to have yet another talk about it and told him that by him saying he loves me all the time is making me want to turn around and run!!! Run very fast away!!! I think that grabbed his attention - Thank God! Because I was seriously considering telling him it was over. Lord only knows where this is going but I don't think we are at the "Love" stage of it at all! He told me he knew from the first time he met me we were ment to be together. That feaked me out too! When do you know if it's Love anyway? I have strong feelings for him but I don't know if it's "Love." I have so much going on in my life as of late with family and work not to mention trying to have a relationship. Having the pressure of the "L" word dropped on me sent me into a feeling of wanting to withdraw from him. I'm happy I can talk to him about this but I am hoping he doesn't just stop for the time being to make me happy to just start up again next week. I know relationships are work so that's why I didn't just run away - I'm giving it a shot. But when is it too soon to say you Love someone?

No Good Can Come Out of Being Second Best

As I reflect on recent events I have determined no one should settle or be second choice for anyone. Here's why I have come to this conclusion. My nephew and his girlfriend were burned after the stove in their appartment exploded. I have been helping take care of their 7 month old daughter while they heal. "Toby" was right here, by my side, helping take care of her, cleaning donated highchairs, walkers and strollers. When the 35 year old and the federal agent I was hanging out with found out about it, all they said was they were sorry to hear about it. Never once did they offer to help with ANYTHING! "Toby" jumped right in, going to the grocery store, watching the baby while I cooked, you name it. That was impressive since we have only been dating for a month and a half.

So, it got me thinking, I am "Toby's" first choice for a girlfriend while I am second choice for the others. Now That's Bull Shit!!! Why in the hell did I allow myself to fall into the second best catagory for awhile? No woman should never settle or be second choice for ANY man. The 35 year old chose to blow me off to tend to another woman, granted she was "stalking" him or so he says. I recently heard he tried to make the relationship work one more time but realized it wouldn't and that's why he started calling and texting again. And as for the 38 year old federal agent, he's still hooked on his ex in Texas but wanted to still see me. That's so wrong on so many levels and the fact that I even entertained the fact that one of these men were worthy enough of my heart bothers me.

What happened along the love journey in my like to let me even think that being second choice would be ok? I talked to one of my BFF's that's a man and he said I was just beat down by all the bastards I had dated in the past, which made me think that's the treatment I deserved. Think about it, my ex had a double life, I was his second choice, his wife and kids were his first (not that I knew about them). Before him my ex fiance chose my maid of honor to cheat on me and then married her. There are other examples but those are the two best fitting for this discussion. Psychologically I was conditioned to think I was second choice. Well I'm here to tell you don't ever fall into that trap because nothing good can ever come out of being second best.

I'm so happy I found "Toby" and only time will tell if he's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with but I now know how a woman should be treated. I will never allow myself to be rated second best again because I'm worth the number one spot in any relationhip, well next to a man's mother, daughter, you know what I mean. So ladies find a man who treats you right, will be there by your side and makes you the number one priority. It's worth waiting for and that's not bull shit!